1.
You Suck At Texting
If you have miraculously managed to get some poor girl’s number you better not be texting like a fucking weirdo. First things first, if you say “Hi” kill yourself. Hi is creepy. “Hi” means I’m weird and I don’t know it yet, but anyway, how are you? And don’t even THINK about using smileys. A male using a smiley in a text is basically the equivalent of a man crying. You look like a little bitch, no matter how happy you are. And unless you enjoy looking like a raper don’t even do the unthinkable-use the :P face. The tounge-out face is the most offensive combination of symbols in a phone keyboard. This face is disturbing and no one likes it, if you’re a girl reading this who likes :P faces….do not fret there is another blog coming your way (working title: How To: Jump In Front Of Bus)
2.
Mandals
The shoe equivalent of man jewelry. No one wants to see your hairy toes no matter how comfy your leather flip flops are. After working at Abercrombie (where the guys are forced to wear mandals) I have seen too many gross feet. It’s not your responsibility to eye-rape me with your nasty toes. You might get hit on maybeee. But the second they look down don’t be so shocked when the girl “goes to the bathroom really quick” and doesn’t come back. Ever.
3.
Your Profile Picture Selection
Don’t be so naive to think as girls we have not stalked you. Usually when someone has a private profile you can still see there pro pics. Therefore, I have perfected the craft of investigating with limited info. You can tell alot from someone’s profile picture album. For example, do you have 2 or more profile pictures from the same night? You must have thought you looked really good that night and therefore you take yourself too seriously. Have you cropped everyone out of your profile pictures? You have ugly friends. I can’t date someone who has ugly friends because who can we double date with? Who will I make you jealous with once we break up? You have to think about these things.
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