1.
Longchamp Bag
Even though everyone and their sorority sister has these bitches, they’re still a great staple. They look like they cost about $2, so you don’t have to worry about that fashionably-challenged weirdo sitting in the corner stealing it. But the great part about this gem is that it is ruin-proof. I once spilled two open 4 lokos (in hindsight not a great storage place) in my longchamp and had no damage…to the bag. However my phone, camera, anything of value did get fucked. Either way, I wiped this bag down with a clorox whipe and it was good as new. This is a must have if you live you life in shambles like me. This bag tricks people into thinking you have your shit together because it looks like an old lady bag kinda.
2.
Norts
DO NOT FORGET THESE!! This is an important item. Roll them up in a little taco and stick them in your longchamp. If you end up going home with a hunk, you can get away with wearing his shirt home but NEVER his shorts. You will look like a lesbian and/or like you just hooked up with someone. Keep these in your bag til the morning—cause who are you kidding they’re going to come off and get lost anyway. Throw them on and ask your new friend for a cute frocket tee to borrow/never give back and be on your merry way. For the fashionably handicapped, NORTS= Nike Shorts. You're welcome.
3.
Razor
I always try to cock block myself by not shaving my legs. This will totally work, i tell my sober self. My sober self is correct til I get drunk and end up realizing I am going home with this person either way. I might as well spare myself the awkward encounter of searching for his razor and bring my own.
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