This Man's Own Obituary Reveals That He's Spider-Man, Asks Son To Avenge His Death
Aaron Joseph Purmort last week lost "a battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer", but before his death, he decided he wanted to be remembered in a truly special way.
A man named Aaron Joseph Purmort, from Minneapolis in the U.S., died last week at age 35, having battled cancer for several years.
But Aaron, an art director by day, wanted to be remembered in his own special way, and also had some amazing secrets to divulge to his loved ones.
So Aaron wrote this obituary for himself to be published after his death. It ran in the Star Tribune on Sunday.
Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city. His family knew him only as a kind and mild-mannered Art Director, a designer of websites and t-shirts, and concert posters who always had the right cardigan and the right thing to say (even if it was wildly inappropriate). Aaron was known for his long, entertaining stories, which he loved to repeat often. In high school, he was in the band The Asparagus Children, which reached critical acclaim in the northern suburbs. As an adult, he graduated from the College of Visual Arts (which also died an untimely death recently) and worked in several agencies around Minneapolis, settling in as an Interactive Associate Creative Director at Colle + McVoy. Aaron was a comic book aficionado, a pop-culture encyclopedia and always the most fun person at any party. He is survived by his parents Bill and Kim Kuhlmeyer, father Mark Purmort (Patricia, Autumn, Aly), sisters Erika and Nicole, first wife Gwen Stefani, current wife Nora and their son Ralph, who will grow up to avenge his father's untimely death. A service will be held on December 3, 2014 at Shelter Studios, 721 Harding St. NE, Mpls 55413 at 6 pm.
Aaron was a big comic book fan, which becomes clear as you read his obituary.
He describes his cancer diagnosis as resulting from "a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long".
But, most dramatically, the obituary said: "Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city."
Aaron also included a touching call-out to his son Ralph, "who will grow up to avenge his father's untimely death".
He managed to get a mention in for "his first wife Gwen Stefani" too.
Before [he] died, we had time to sit down and write his obituary. I've never laughed and cried more in one sitting, but I'm so glad we got to do this. I love this man so damn much.
Nora's sister has set up an online fundraiser to cover the costs of Aaron's medical treatment, his funeral, and to help to provide for the couple's son Ralph.
The target amount was $100,000. It currently stands at $104,000.
Please, for the LOVE OF PETE, if you are a young, healthy person who plans on falling in love and getting married, get life insurance NOW. Hopefully your family doesn't need it until you are very, very old, but they just might need it sooner.