1.
Thanks to this news, you no longer have the comfort of telling yourself, "Well, at least I won't be the last person on earth to get married."
2.
Single homosexuals, even a guy who spent years hating on gays got married TO A MAN before you did.
5.
The most important word in this headline? "Bride."
6.
Even this charmer managed to find a wife.
7.
This gentleman found someone before you too.
8.
Jeez, some of us haven't even had our starter tree marriages yet.
9.
These next two dudes seem to have had plenty of action despite being of questionable character.
10.
How's that whole "being a nice guy" thing working out for you?
11.
How lovely that they found one another.
12.
Ever think, "I just want to be the someone's VW Beetle"?
13.
This guy is married. And you're not.
14.
You're a reasonable, fair-minded person, right? Well, this woman has a husband and you don't.
15.
Continuing that theme:
19.
How much do you want to bet this woman currently has a partner WHILE YOU DON'T?
20.
Maybe this is what us singletons are doing wrong?
21.
Eleven times. Just picture that. Also, when did you last have sex 11 times in one night?
22.
"Dude, you couldn't even score in a dumpster."
23.
Still, if all of this has driven you to lovelorn despair, there's always this inspiring headline.
