17 Thoughts I Had While Re-Reading Lemony Snicket's The Bad Beginning

I have started reading the series again and have a few qualms that I didn't have as a child, starting with the first book.

1. The architecture of Olaf's home makes no sense.

Via snicket.wikia.com

There is a bent/curved shape at the top of the tower. Who designed this house? It's not energy efficient at all and is definitely a hazard.

2. This book is a lot shorter than I remember.

Via hollywoodreporter.com

Why did it take me so long to read it as a kid? It isn't like I was a slow reader or anything like that but maybe I was? Maybe I just couldn't focus on it and would do other stuff. Classic younger me.

3. Mr. Poe is the dumbest and most aggravating character.

Via fanpop.com

Why can't you just believe the children?! Klaus has a freakin bruise on his face and you are okay with that? Also, they are the most polite kids in the universe. Stop saying they are rude!

4. All I can picture is Jim Carrey as Count Olaf.

Via sequart.org

Even though he is a horrifying and insane character, all I can picture is Jim Carrey and his comedic take on the role in the movie. The character is so much worse in the book but Mr. Carrey ruined my image of the Count.

5. Why don't the orphans just sneak out and tell Justice Strauss instead of trying to grapple hook a tower?

Via snicket.wikia.com

Seriously! She is across the street. She is likely to believe them. She is way smarter than Mr. Poe. She loves them. She is a freakin judge. Freakin grapple hook? Come on...

6. This book illustration and design is perfect.

Via en.wikipedia.org

First off: the illustration is so good. The color. The characters' appearance. The lettering even.

Second off: The thick hardcover. It has such a nice feel to it.

Finally: The serrated edges on the paper. I'm a sucker for that

7. Daniel Handler (the author) created the perfect character with Lemony Snicket.

Via poetryfoundation.org

Handler has created an author for his own book. He isn't even listed anywhere. I didn't know his real name till recently actually. Lemony Snicket has a precise way of talking, his own story line, and a perfect conversational tone.

8. Violet's "I'm thinking of an invention" maneuver is very obvious and should have been noticed easily by anyone

Via 12202.proboards.com

She ties her freakin hair into a ponytail! She never does this apart from when she's thinking of an invention. How could Olaf or anyone else not be like, "Wait, what are you doing? You're obviously up to something. You clearly just tied your hair back."

9. Why did Klaus tell Count Olaf that he knew his plan regarding the marriage before anyone else?

Via snicket.wikia.com

What the hell, Klaus?! Tell anyone else! ANYONE! You could even run over to Justice Strauss' house. You could tell your sisters. Tell the cops. Tell anyone. OR wait and plan to sabotage it during the wedding. Jesus, Klaus. Come on!

10. Sunny's biting just can't be good for her or her teeth.

Via dotheyreally-ish.tumblr.com

Let's list out the problems with Sunny just biting things.

1) Germs out the mofo.

2)She could easily break a tooth.

3)A lot of messed up items/furniture by now having teeth marks.

4) She shouldn't be allowed to just bite people and it be a way to tell if she likes people or not! That's really really bad.

11. Lemony Snicket spoils a lot of stuff in the book.

Via comicbookinvest.com

They aren't horrendous or things you wouldn't expect but he frequently tells you what will happen way before it does. Especially in the end note of the book. He tells you the death that happens in the second novel.

12. The titles have alliteration and I was super unobservant as a child when it came to that.

Via alec-longstreth.com

"The Bad Beginning", "The Reptile Room", "The Wide Window", etc. Younger me never even appreciated that. What a nifty little way to title the books.

13. All I think about when I hear about the eye is people who ramble about the Illuminati eye

Via wordpress.com

I picture a middle schooler running up to people crazily "See! See! I knew it. They control everything!" and then sprinting off.

14. How did Count Olaf get such a big audience for the play at the end?

Via snicket.wikia.com

They seemed to have pulled in a good sized audience for the marriage at the end of the book. How did they get so many people? Are they popular or just really good at advertising?

15. The parents really should have specified who the children will go to in the case of their death.

Via theguardian.com

Really? Just a family member in the city? I understand if they want them to be kept in the city but don't they have reliable friends? Shouldn't they have specified a relative or anything at all?

16. Why wasn't Mr. Poe holding Olaf better when he was caught?

Via blogger.com

The lights went off and Poe accidentally grabs his wife? Why the hell didn't he get a better grasp on him or do anything else to control him? Also, I feel like that's an insult to your wife if you mistake her for Count Olaf.

17. What ridiculous stuff will happen in The Reptile Room?

Via en.wikipedia.org

If I remember from the movie...a lot.