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my three year old niece ordering the jacket potato then crying when it arrived because she thought it was a potato wearing a jacket was the highlight of my night like
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my niece has been moaning that she hasn’t had a valentines card so my brother sent one signed ‘?’ And she has been crying for hours saying she’s got a stalker
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Was on the bus the other day and two kids about 10 were in front of me. One of them said that his parents won't let him get a dog so he used to stare at the sun to try make himself blind so he could get a guide dog. No doubt he was waffling but you have to admire his imagination
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me, laying on the couch toddler: dad, I didn't go peepee anywhere. I want you to know I didn't. me, getting off the couch
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In the best yet things-my-nephews-have-done, the 7 year old ordered a burger today, and was asked if he wanted it medium. "Could you please make it very large?" he asked. Told that the choice was between medium or well done, he asked if the chef could do the best he could. Yes.
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My kids have had two fish and named them Dave and Dave. I asked them how they can tell them apart and my youngest son said ‘One of them is Scottish, so you pronounce his name differently.’ I mean. What do you say to that?
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yesterday morning after his soccer game, my 6 year old asked me how come the other team gets to change the color of their jerseys every week, while we always had to wear purple. when i explained that, in fact, we were playing against different teams each week, his mind was blown.
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We cracked the code to potty training our daughter. Spider man underwear. It took her picking out her own Spider-Man underwear to completely potty train herself. She won’t have an accident because she “can’t go potty on Spider-Man”. I can’t believe that’s all it took lol
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My child is throwing a fit. Reason: Didn't get to see her poop before grandma flushed it down the toilet. Grandma is apologising profusely. Lea is refusing to be assuaged, she just wants her poop back. It's been 20 mins. Did you take your birth control? You're welcome.
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My eight year old has started talking back and then saying (outloud) “hashtag roasted” and dabbing. Not one of the parenting books prepared me for this.
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My cousins yr7 class were talking about what they’re grateful for and everyone was talking about their mums, one kid in the class had lost his mum a few months ago and my cousin saw him crying so he reassured him by saying “don’t worry everyone’s mum is going to die”-
Well, he's not wrong.