I Can't Stop Laughing At These People Who Absolutely Roasted Their Entire Lives Into Oblivion

    There is nothing finer than a good old-fashioned self-roast.

    1. On mistakes:

    person who asks out another person and they say they never make mistakes and the person responds you swiped right on me so that is one

    2. On hiding:

    someone posits a million dollar game of hide and go seek and says where would you hide and someone says my bday party

    3. On dads:

    someone is taping their dads stuff to the ceiling and responds saying to everyone saying I should stick myself up there; it has to be something people would look for

    4. On amoebas:

    person saying they had a brain eating amoeba once and the poor fella died hungry

    5. On anger:

    person asks how would you piss up a room full of people and someone responds show up

    6. On stupidity:

    someone texts are you stupid cause there is always a u in stupid and they respond there's an i in stupid too oh wait no

    7. On wardrobes:

    someone says no one in the world has the exact same wardrobe as you and someone responds I'm gonna call that a real good thing for them

    8. On heights:

    someone saying I could strangle you someone says you aren't tall enough and someone says you've sunk low enough for me to reach

    9. On Antarctica:

    someone says Antarctica probably has the highest average IQ and another responds I am going to go there and balance it out

    10. On the beautiful things:

    someone saying an iPhone is the ugliest thing they've seen and they look in the mirror every day

    11. On skunks:

    someone posits if a person would live with skunks for 100,000 and a person responds sure if they don't mind my smell

    12. On kindred spirits:

    someone says if you are one in a million there are 7K people like you to which someone responds poor bastards

    13. On cavemen:

    someone asks without taking any objects with you how could you impress a caveman and someone responds with my weak-ass physical form

    14. On conversation:

    someone asks guys whats a good way for a girl to start a conversation with you and someone responds smile and ask to join me and then realize their mistake

    15. On intimacy:

    someone asks if you had to describe your sex life with a song title what would it be and someone responds "Beat It" by Michael Jackson

    16. On making money:

    someone asks you get one dollar for every time you mildly inconvenience someone how do you start earning money and someone responds I start existing

    17. On spotlights:

    someone shows a picture of a trash can with a spotlight on it and someone says when the class settles down for me to present my project

    18. On Cats:

    someone says they like the new "Cats" movie because it was the only time their parents were disappointed in something other than them

    19. On spirits:

    someone asks what is your spirit plant and a person responds it is a rhododendron because they require very specific conditions and are unlikely to thrive

    20. On crushes:

    someone asks what screams I have a crush on you, and someone responds not my crush for sure

    21. On phones:

    someone says their phone is always on silent, and there is a response that reads, my phone is silent all the time

    22. And on 2004:

    someone saying 2004 is a great year and 2020 should be like 2004, and someone responds, I was born in 2004 so it can't be great