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23 Absolutely Hilarious Things Kids Actually Said Out Loud In 2020

They just have a way with words.

1. On medicine:

My 3 year old calls Flonase "mommy's special nose medicine" and now my neighbor thinks I do cocaine.

2. On COVID:

When I told 3yo we couldn't got out again she asked if it was because of the corona pirates. I said yes.

3. On sinks:

text reading my 6 year old watching me pour draino down his bahtroom sink whats that me it dissolves whatever gunk is clogging your drain 6 year old even the screwdriver down there

4. On greens:

My niece done told her school we put weed in her food at home that’s why she be sleepy 😭💀 YALL ITS PARSLEY 💀 My sister going to jail 💀

5. On pancakes:

facebook post of someone saying their kid said they made crusty ass pancakes and it turns out they mean krusteaz pancakes

6. On hide-and-seek:

[How to lose at Hide-and-seek] Me: [eyes closed] 1...2....3..... 4yo: [whispers] Daddy can I hide in your shirt?

7. On poo:

My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

8. On smoking:

9 year old saying smoking shortens your life to an older relative and they say they're 18 and should be 28 by now

9. On confetti:

My 8yo in the car today: "Do you want me to throw the confetti in my pocket?" Me: "No not in the car! - why do you have confetti in your pocket?" 8yo: "It's my emergency confetti, I carry it everywhere in case there is good news."

10. On Facebook:

apparently my nine-year-old nephew wanted permission to make a facebook account and my sister was like "no, you're nine" and then he figured out how to make one behind her back and got caught immediately when he sent her a friend request

11. On names:

tweet reading my son asked me how i know his name i'm not in the mood tonight

12. On sunglasses:

story about a 5 year old asking for sunglasses and then looking directly into the sun and loudly proclaiming that they don't work

13. On dogs:

congratulations especially to the little girl in her stroller this morning who pointed to my dog and proudly announced “pig”

14. On coffee:

2y.o eating his lunch: “Papa’s coffee hot?” Me: “Yeah baby it’s hot, don’t touch.” 2y.o: “Me blow on it for Papa?” It was at this point I witnessed with horror, my 2y.o attempt to blow on my freshly made coffee, only to spit a half eaten chicken nugget straight into it..

15. On fireworks:

Just told my son they popping fireworks for my birthday and he believed me he said “they really love you daddy” 😂😂😭😭 kids so gullible

16. On strength:

story of a little kid trying to prove how strong they are so they just ram their head into a wall

17. On condolences:

I’m writing a condolence card. Gregory (5) asks what I’m doing. “I’m writing a note to say how sorry I am that my friend’s mom died,” I say. He pauses for a VERY fraught moment and then asks, oh so tentatively “...that’s just to be kind, right? You’re not the one who did it?”

18. On what could have been:

(4yo daughter is crying her eyes out) Me: "What's wrong, tutu?" 4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): "If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!" Me: "But your fingers...are not...markers?" 4yo (peak distress): "I said IF!"

19. On heroes:

facebook post reading the girl i nanny has to do an influential person project so i recommended bethany hamilton and it's a story of the kid not realizing the shark attacks aren't genetic

20. On music:

When in the car with my daughter she has my phone running Spotify. We have a game where she plays any song ever and I can guess the artist & title within seconds of listening. She believes I’m a musical genius. She’s unaware the song info is on the little screen behind the wheel

21. On defiance:

text reading so my cousin who is 5 got in trouble for not listening and whatever his parents asked him he just said no to anything so he was put in time out and 20 min later he was told he can leave and he said no out of spite

22. On boomers:

text reading pretty sure my 9 year old son just tried to ok boomer me but what he actually said was whatever beamer also i was born in 78

23. And, lastly, on the child experience:

text reading i was in a class zoom call when there was a faint thud in the background my teacher peered off screen for a sec and calmy remarked my daughter just ran straight into a wall