1. On medicine:
My 3 year old calls Flonase "mommy's special nose medicine" and now my neighbor thinks I do cocaine.
2. On COVID:
When I told 3yo we couldn't got out again she asked if it was because of the corona pirates. I said yes.
3. On sinks:
4. On greens:
My niece done told her school we put weed in her food at home that’s why she be sleepy 😭💀 YALL ITS PARSLEY 💀 My sister going to jail 💀
5. On pancakes:
6. On hide-and-seek:
[How to lose at Hide-and-seek] Me: [eyes closed] 1...2....3..... 4yo: [whispers] Daddy can I hide in your shirt?
7. On poo:
My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
8. On smoking:
9. On confetti:
My 8yo in the car today: "Do you want me to throw the confetti in my pocket?" Me: "No not in the car! - why do you have confetti in your pocket?" 8yo: "It's my emergency confetti, I carry it everywhere in case there is good news."
10. On Facebook:
apparently my nine-year-old nephew wanted permission to make a facebook account and my sister was like "no, you're nine" and then he figured out how to make one behind her back and got caught immediately when he sent her a friend request
11. On names:
12. On sunglasses:
13. On dogs:
congratulations especially to the little girl in her stroller this morning who pointed to my dog and proudly announced “pig”
14. On coffee:
2y.o eating his lunch: “Papa’s coffee hot?” Me: “Yeah baby it’s hot, don’t touch.” 2y.o: “Me blow on it for Papa?” It was at this point I witnessed with horror, my 2y.o attempt to blow on my freshly made coffee, only to spit a half eaten chicken nugget straight into it..
15. On fireworks:
Just told my son they popping fireworks for my birthday and he believed me he said “they really love you daddy” 😂😂😭😭 kids so gullible
16. On strength:
17. On condolences:
I’m writing a condolence card. Gregory (5) asks what I’m doing. “I’m writing a note to say how sorry I am that my friend’s mom died,” I say. He pauses for a VERY fraught moment and then asks, oh so tentatively “...that’s just to be kind, right? You’re not the one who did it?”
18. On what could have been:
(4yo daughter is crying her eyes out) Me: "What's wrong, tutu?" 4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): "If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!" Me: "But your fingers...are not...markers?" 4yo (peak distress): "I said IF!"
19. On heroes:
20. On music:
When in the car with my daughter she has my phone running Spotify. We have a game where she plays any song ever and I can guess the artist & title within seconds of listening. She believes I’m a musical genius. She’s unaware the song info is on the little screen behind the wheel
21. On defiance:
22. On boomers:
23. And, lastly, on the child experience:
