22 Times Total Strangers On The Internet Came Completely Out Of Nowhere With The Absolute Funniest Response To Someone Last Week

    Well, they're not wrong.

    1. On astrology:

    Someone says they've been having a lot of feelings lately and want to know which planets to blame it on, and someone says "Earth"

    2. On self-control:

    "True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn"; response: "Why would the movie eat my popcorn"

    3. On beautiful pet names:

    Printout of tests, including "Dental Prophylaxis Everything Bagel," "Exam Presurgical Everything Bagel," "Anesthesia General Everything Bagel," "Rabies Everything Bagel," w/caption: "My cat's name makes her vet bills look like fucked-up breakfast orders"

    4. On sloths:

    "Sloths aren't lazy; they're just saving their energy; today that energy is released"; response: "this is singlehandedly the scariest fucking post on this hellsite what the fuck"

    5. On achievements:

    A cake with icing writing: "Congration you done it"

    6. On milk:

    "I sometimes drink milk straight out of the container"; response: "The COW?!?"

    7. On names:

    "Looking for gender-neutral pet names"; response: Abu Dhabi

    8. On language:

    "Bilingual people, what is ia thing that non-bilingual will never understand?" Response: "A second language"

    9. On slipups:

    Four examples, including "When I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip up in real life and call people 'My lord'" and "Yesterday I went to Wendy's and the girl said 'Welcome to McDonald's' and then just sighed"

    10. On relaxation:

    Cartoon with several Pokémon characters at a body of water, with Dragonite the focus, with caption "unbothered, moisturized, happy in my lane, focused, flourishing"; comment, "Pikachu is drowning" and response: "This ain't about him"

    11. On bogs:

    "I want to decompose in a bog" well you clearly don't know the first thing about bogs, clout chaser: the bog is like the opposite of decomposition

    12. On medicine:

    "Consuming two things that promise to do the opposite of each other has always been hilarious; I imagined mixing a liquid shot-based sleep aid called 6-hour sleep and a 5-hour energy for a 1 hour nap"; response: "mix NyQuil and DayQuil to create Quil"

    13. On facial hair:

    "Boys who can pull off facial hair are hot"; response: "I think you're supposed to use a razor"

    14. On breathing:

    "Humans are involuntary breathers, right?" "Well, not anymore asshole"

    15. On counting:

    "When you count your lips, don't touch till a million"; response: "I get there before two!! 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi"

    16. On fire:

    "Has anyone tried to see if chimpanzees or bonobos could be taught to fully master fire?" Response: "this one guy did and he was chained to a mountain to have an eagle eat his liver every day"

    17. On glasses:

    "People associate wearing glasses with being smart, but you have to fail a test to get them"; response: "Hell, they even let us look at the answers"

    18. On getting older:

    "Unmarried, childless and approach 30 — what do you do on weekends?" Response: "Does 24 count as approaching 30?" and "As long as you're under 30, you're always approaching 30"

    19. On degrees:

    "Someone has to have a degree to cut your hair but not to cook your food"; response: "Cooking typically takes hundreds of degrees; try cooking at egg at 1 degree, yuck"

    20. On partying:

    "u ever go take a piss at a party and as soon as u close the door u feel like ur in a different dimension"; response: "save point"

    21. On goodbyes:

    "Airport employees, what is the saddest goodbye you've witnessed?" "responses: "A Marine saying goodbye to his dog"; "Where was the dog flying to?"

    22. And on tea:

    "China, 2,500 years ago: guy 1: hey what should we put in this boiling water; guy 2, an absolute fucking genius: uh, leaves"; response: "did he ever come back and answer the question"