Parents·Posted on Mar 3, 2022I Can't Stop Laughing At These Hilariously Awkward Conversations Parents Have Had With Their KidsI have no idea how kids come up with this stuff.by Dave StoperaBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. The "would you rather" convo: 2. The leg convo: a plate of bamya @NourAbadiii Today my 3 year old niece cried because she remembered she hit her leg somewhere 3 days ago. She said she forgot to cry about her leg that day. 04:20 PM - 30 Mar 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @nourabadiii 3. The toast convo: Ruth Brooker @erbrooker Parenting Fail. After 4yr old's epic meltdown over toast cut the "wrong" way. Me: whispering under my breath with my back turned.. "ohhh I'm so fucking tired" 4yr old: "well I'm fucking tired too mummy" 10:54 AM - 15 Feb 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @erbrooker 4. The kiss convo: 5. The nose convo: ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz My 7 year old: *staring at my face* Me: What is it, sweetie? My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too? Kids are delightful. 05:37 PM - 09 Feb 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @ThisOneSayz 6. The nighttime convo: Mel @Tweetsnwhatnot My toddler, who was not previously accustomed to being awake after dark, just looked outside and screamed “where is the backyard?!” 12:58 AM - 10 Nov 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @Tweetsnwhatnot 7. The apartment convo: 8. The FaceTiming convo: Not the Nanny @not_thenanny My toddler dropped my phone while she was FaceTiming my mom, gasped, picked it back up, and asked, “grandma, are you ok???” It was the cutest-dumbest thing Ive ever seen. 01:14 PM - 22 Jun 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @not_thenanny 9. The perish convo: Gloriatunu @Gloriatunu1 I remember when I was younger I thought perish was a good word. I was praying with my family one night and I prayed that we would all perish. The silence that filled the room is unforgettable 😂🤣😭 07:50 PM - 28 Jul 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @gloriatunu1 10. The walls convo: 11. The squeal convo: Woodfluencer @RateMySalad Just heard my 4 year old say "it's time to milk the farm dog" and my 2 yo squeal "YEAH" and I better go see what they're doing 02:30 PM - 05 Feb 2022 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @RateMySalad 12. The country convo: 13. The report card convo: ⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱️🅰️ @PurestInNoSense My son got his report card today and academically he did well but his teacher wrote a note specifying “ he needs to use kind words with friends “ . I asked him about it and he said “ My friends are dumb and they need to know “ 01:31 AM - 24 Mar 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @purestinnosense 14. The inside convo: That Mom Tho @mom_tho 4: Mom, how long was dad inside you? Me: 4: Mom??? Me: What the f- 4: Well??? How long was he inside you before you had him? Me: Oh honey no I didn’t birth your dad, grandma did! 09:56 PM - 05 Sep 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @mom_tho 15. The emergency convo: 16. The toaster convo: 17. The tattoo convo: 18. The school convo: CeciATL @CeciATL my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you” 03:39 PM - 28 Jan 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @ceciatl 19. The pope convo: 20. The hangman convo: Josh @iwearaonesie [playing Hangman] son: 3! me: It has to be a letter son: Oh. 9! me *looks at wife* Are we cousins? 06:03 PM - 02 May 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @iwearaonesie 21. The lasagna convo: Professional Worrier @pro_worrier_ Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna. 03:26 PM - 22 Jun 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @pro_worrier_ 22. The fireworks convo: Till Next Time Love’ @CyphDadNextdoor Just told my son they popping fireworks for my birthday and he believed me he said “they really love you daddy” 😂😂😭😭 kids so gullible 02:30 AM - 05 Jul 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @cyphdadnextdoor 23. The eating convo: Marcy G @BunAndLeggings 3yo: Mom, did you eat all the penis? Me: 3yo: You like penis, mom??? Me: 3yo: Me: 3yo: Me: PEANUTS! Yes, I ate the peanuts. 3yo: You like penis. 03:07 PM - 25 May 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @BunAndLeggings 24. The hog convo: chore daddy (normal) @chore_daddy my 10yo has learned the phrase "cranking the hog" but doesn't know what it means, so he uses it to mean "what's up," like yesterday when I was cooking: "how's it going dad, crankin the ol hog?" I love this for my family 03:11 PM - 22 Oct 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @chore_daddy 25. The teeth convo: Luciux Riker @Luciuxness When my son was 4 he saw a commercial that said "brushing alone is not enough to prevent cavities and tooth decay" so he made us start brushing our teeth with him. It's been 3 years. Nobody tell him. 04:29 PM - 17 Aug 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @luciuxness 26. The Itchy Man convo: 27. The searching convo: Adam B. Hill, M.D. @Adamhill1212 5yo asked me to go find something downstairs. I couldn’t find it. 5yo: “I’ve got an idea. This time, go back downstairs and try your best”. 11:58 PM - 25 Jun 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @adamhill1212 28. The hiding convo: Richard Dean @dad_on_my_feet [How to lose at Hide-and-seek] Me: [eyes closed] 1...2....3..... 4yo: [whispers] Daddy can I hide in your shirt? 03:12 PM - 24 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @dad_on_my_feet 29. The growing-up convo: 30. The bat convo: ally @TragicAllyHere I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time he thought they were made up for Halloween like ghosts and witches 01:43 AM - 16 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @tragicallyhere 31. The raccoon convo: 32. The meat convo: 33. The hide-and-seek convo: 34. The service convo: 35. The sun convo: Nik @jacaristar Daughter didn’t want “sunscream” so I put her outside and yelled “SUN.... GET HER” and now she’s flipping out. 06:36 PM - 25 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @jacaristar 36. The dinner convo: kids_kubed 🇨🇦 @Kids_kubed 3: Mommy, I don’t want dinner!! Me: I’m not making dinner, I’m making you a big snack 3: Yay! Snacks! 𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀 09:20 PM - 01 Oct 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @kids_kubed 37. The bleach convo: Julz @azedi *Opens bottle of bleach* Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn't open. Me : Oh it's coz it has a child safety lock. Children can't open it. *nephew looks at bottle in amazement* Nephew : How did it know I was a child? 🤣🤣🤣 03:30 PM - 27 Nov 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @azedi 38. The toast convo: TwinzerDad @TwinzerDad Toddler: Daddy I want toast. Me: ok, buddy. Here’s some toast. Toddler: I don’t like butter on my toast Me: (flips toast over to the dry side and hands it back) There ya go. Toddler: Thanks Daddy! Toddlers are dumb. Take advantage of it while you can. #Dadlife 04:57 PM - 23 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @twinzerdad 39. The counting convo: 40. The fart convo: 41. The coffee convo: Steve 🏳️🌈 @papaneedscoffee 2y.o eating his lunch: “Papa’s coffee hot?” Me: “Yeah baby it’s hot, don’t touch.” 2y.o: “Me blow on it for Papa?” It was at this point I witnessed with horror, my 2y.o attempt to blow on my freshly made coffee, only to spit a half eaten chicken nugget straight into it.. 02:09 PM - 28 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @papaneedscoffee 42. The Christmas convo: JennyPentland GED @JennyPentland I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room. 09:11 AM - 06 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @jennypentland 43. The smell convo: Ramzy Nasrallah @ramzy 9-year old: Dad smell this. You licked a puss. Me: [mutes TV] what 9-year old: it’s so good. Smell it. You licked a puss. Me: ... 9-year old: [hands me a candle jar] Me. It’s *eucalyptus* 03:56 PM - 17 Dec 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @ramzy 44. The drain convo: 45. The souvenir convo: marie bourgeois @mmbtox @Karnythia I woke up to 3 yo kid #4 petting my head. I asked what she needed and she said 'i wish i had a piece of you that i could carry with me all the time. like your finger.' Haven't slept soundly since. 12:08 AM - 28 Jan 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @mmbtox 46. The mice convo: 47. The emergency convo: 48. The bedtime convo: 49. The salty convo: 50. The crying convo: Tomer Ullman @TomerUllman (4yo daughter is crying her eyes out) Me: "What's wrong, tutu?" 4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): "If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!" Me: "But your fingers...are not...markers?" 4yo (peak distress): "I said IF!" 01:00 PM - 31 Jul 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @tomerullman 51. The table convo: Melissa @Fiveoclockmommy Kids are the best, man. They get all shocked when you figure out they did something wrong like, “mom how’d you know I colored on the table?” Um, because you wrote your fucking name on it? 10:00 PM - 17 Jan 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @Fiveoclockmommy 52. The salary convo: James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery. 08:25 PM - 28 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @xplodingunicorn 53. The Target convo: 54. The Disney convo: 55. The punch convo: Taika Waititi @TaikaWaititi My daughter just punched me so hard in the balls and won't apologise. She just said "Well I dunno", and walked off. Quarantine is going awesome. 01:40 AM - 12 Apr 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @taikawaititi 56. The chicken convo: Average Dad @Average_Dad1 “Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?” - my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization 11:55 PM - 29 Mar 2021 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @average_dad1 57. The quesadilla convo: 58. The scale convo: 59. The air convo: MaMthombeni @knowbuntu My son keeps grabbing fists of air and screaming ‘mine’. My daughter is crying saying Tj is stealing my air....they are in my bedroom, on a Saturday morning....😪😪😪 07:32 AM - 07 Jul 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite Twitter: @knowbuntu 60. And the confetti convo: