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I'm A Terrible Person, So I Can't Stop Laughing After Reading These 21 Extremely Dumb Things People Posted On The Internet Last Week

These people walk among us.

1. On twins:

Person says twins don't look alike, and when someone says not all twins are identical, person says isn't that kind of the point, otherwise they're just siblings, not twins

2. On foodborne illness:

"Salmonella is only caused by salmon; you're a chef, you should know that"

3. On triangles:

Someone refers to an isosceles triangle as an eye saucerless triangle

4. On birds:

"Actually, there's no difference between turkey and ham because they both come from birds"

5. On true beauty:

"She's urethral"; "Um, I think you mean ethereal; urethral means something else entirely, but I agree she is ethereal"

6. On rich people:

"Why don't rich people just use all their money to stop pottery?"

7. On ducks:

Argument about how no one calls ducks birds and whether or not they are, in fact, birds, with the final comment: "Ducks can survive in water full time, birds can't"

8. On appearances:

Someone says "Looks can be this evening" instead of "deceiving"

9. On the chills:

Someone says they have "goose pumps" instead of "goosebumps"

10. On taste:

"Oysters are a required taste"

11. On eating meat:

"How long does it take the meat to grow back on a cow when you shave it off?"

12. On cartoons:

"Cartoons used to be great; mid-'90s is when cartoons started to go downhill"; "yup, because they are computer jena rated"

13. On the beauty of nature:

"Together we could see the areolas borealis in Iceland, lay on a Cuban beach or take a weekend city break — what's on your bucket list?"

14. On pennies:

Boss gave employee his final paycheck in pennies for quitting, and someone says "90,000 pennies=$9K, duh," and someone says "$900; move the decimal point too places, not one," and they say "No, you are wrong"

15. On Milwaukee's woes:

A Milwaukee circular saw for sale for £130, with caption, "Milwaukee still sore"

16. On society:

"You should all be ostrich-sized from society for this"

17. On math:

"That is not how nor has it even been how parentheses work; by your logic, (2+3) squared would equal 25; hint: the answer is 13"

18. On pizza:

"Pizza shrinks when cooked; this is not rocket science, and people who measure their food are fucktards"; response from lead baker of a bakery who also worked in a pizza place: "No, it doesn't, it expands; also, they don't cook, they bake"

19. On vegetarian food:

Picture of a plate of food, and someone asks, "Is that toe food," and person says "Yes it's tofu" with laugh-cry emoji

20. On talents:

"Talent: jack off all traits (knows how to use all weapons only mastered the sword)"

21. And on paternity tests:

"They should do paternity testing prior to conception IMO; that way you avoid the reveal at birth; why hide? It may hold people more accountable"