10 Reasons Why Everyone Should Want To Take Me To Prom

Prom Season is upon us and, alas, I'm dateless again this year. So here is why literally anyone should want to take me to prom. HMU FELLAS

1. I am a Really Great Dancer

And by really great I mean somewhat terrible but you better believe that I'm having fun the entire time and not caring what I look like because it doesn't matter, I graduate in a few months!

2. I am Going to look HOT

My dress this year is a V-neck and I own a push up bra. 'Nuff Said

3. I’m Photogenic

The Prom Pics WILL come out great and you are sure to have family members commenting that we are "such a beautiful couple" on facebook.

4. I go for free this year

I'm an all pro team captain so I go to prom for free so you don't have to feel obligated to "be a gentleman" and pay for me. This also means no awkward "so-are-you-paying-or-am-I" conversation and that I won't feel guilty for not grinding on you the entire dance.

5. My Dress is Grey

Whether you spell it Gray or Grey, there is no denying that it is a flattering color. Your tux will go with my dress and even allows you to be somewhat daring with accessories. Also, it is guaranteed to look good on any skin tone or hair color, so not pigmentation nor hair shade is an obstacle.

6. Did I mention I go for free this year??

Also, if you were confused by the last line on number 4, by saying I won't grind on you the entire dance, I mean that I'm not grinding on you at all. Sorry bud.

7. I can help you score food as soon as we get to the venue

I don't know how this came to be but I have a talent of slithering my way to the front of the food line without anybody noticing. By going with me, you won't be hungry because I can get you snacks in less than 5 minutes after arriving at prom.

8. The conversation will never get boring

I am really talented with small talk so if conversation come to a lull, I can help revive it. I would like to attribute this talent to the fact that I have a habit of saying some really weird shit without even realizing it is weird. This ensures a laugh and can break any awkward silences throughout the night

9. Prom Doesn’t stress me out

Unlike 99% of the girls at Bangor, I really don't give a shit about prom. You want us to sit at your friend's table? Sure, I'll come along. You want to dance with other people? I'm not going to be a psycho and cry in the bathroom that "you ditched me and you RUINED MY LIFE." In the grand scheme of things, prom is just another stupid school dance and I really don't care because…..

10. I'm Just trying to have a good time

It's my senior prom, one of the last high school dances that I will ever attend, and I am just trying to enjoy myself. I can guarantee you no Prama (Prom related drama) and I will pretty much go with the flow (unless you want to wear a camo tux. I put my foot down on that one).

Long story short, I just want a prom date because I've only ever gone stag to school dances and I want to end that streak. This post is a joke (unless you actually want to go to prom with me hmu).