If you're unfamiliar with what a "girl's girl" is, it's basically a term (loved particularly by Gen Z'ers) used to describe a girl or woman who unabashedly supports other women, looks out for other women, and doesn't disparage other women for the sake of male validation or attention. Unfortunately, I've had my fair share of experiences with nonsupportive women, so I try my best to be a girl's girl and befriend those who are the same. Fortunately, the women of the BuzzFeed Community shared with me the surefire ways to tell if someone is a girl's girl or not, and you know what? Some of these didn't even cross my mind! Here are some signs that indicate someone isn't a girl's girl:
1. "The 'I am not like other girls' girl. She constantly brings up how she is not interested in 'traditionally' girly or feminine things like makeup and shopping, but only with the intent to bring other women down for liking those things — especially in front of men. It's such a gross thing to do, and it reeks of insecurity and not being a girl's girl."
2. "Gossiping about their other friends to you. Rest assured, they're probably gossiping about you to the friends they were just talking smack about."
—Roya, 29, Michigan
3. "I know one girl who got her nails done for an event. An older woman complimented her nails, and she spent a few minutes talking cheerfully about how they liked to get her nails done. The same day, a few hours later, the girl was talking absolute shit about girls who get their nails done. She was saying stuff like, 'Oh, I only got mine done because my mom paid for it and basically FORCED me. I don't understand other girls who get their nails done all the time — it's dumb and girly.' That's when I knew."
4. "If she finds it funny that someone bled through their pants."
5. "When they belittle you in front of guys and make fun of your interests and choices. For example, there was this girl who told me she hated when girls wore mascara on their bottom lashes. Mind you, she knew I always wore mascara on my bottom lashes. She said that to gain attention from the guys who were around us, but she really threw me under the bus. It's a really small thing, I know, but it's bugged me for a while."
6. "When she uses words like 'spinster' or 'old maid' to talk about single women. Also, when she assumes that a woman is single or divorced because she's 'too mean' to attract or keep a man. Getting married or being in a relationship is not everyone's priority."
7. "Criticizing other girls' makeup habits in general. Like, if a girl doesn't wear makeup, then they should because there's a flaw they should cover up. But if they do wear makeup, they should go 'natural' instead because they don't need it. Just let women wear whatever they want! Beauty should be determined by what's in our heart, not what's on our face."
8. "If you're letting a clearly drunk woman go anywhere alone with a guy — whether you like her or not — then you're not a girl's girl."
9. "I have a friend who loves to take pics and record our friend group whenever we're making fools of ourselves. Our friend group is made up of six hardworking married but independent women, and life is extremely stressful. Therefore, we like to relax and loosen up whenever we get together — meaning we like to drink without judgment! However, one friend likes to record or take pictures of us during our most vulnerable moments. We've told her before to stop and put her damn phone away, but she doesn't stop! Then, whenever we reminisce about our fun moments, she'll send said embarrassing photos and videos in our group chat for everyone to see. Then, when I get upset about it, she plays the victim. Like, if I told you to stop, just stop! That's not being a girl's girl at all, in my opinion."
10. "Women who refer to other women as 'females.'"
11. "The outward disrespect toward women who are stay-at-home moms. Please support us, already. There was a member of my extended family who nastily asked, 'Why don't you get a real job?' Seriously?"
12. "If they select friends for different purposes. I had an experience a few years ago where I had this 'friend' who had a bunch of girlfriends but would specifically use me to fit her needs, such as asking for food and money. She later used me to get close to one of my guy friends and ended up breaking his heart. She always says she's there for her friends, but looking back, she uses her friends like pawns to get what she wants. She doesn't reciprocate genuine attention, affection, or friendship with other girls, and that's not what a girl's girl is at all."
—Anonymous
13. "When someone claims they're a 'girl's girl' right before talking bad about someone. I think a little gossip is okay, but getting off on constantly talking smack while also saying you're a 'girl's girl' feel like a cop-out to me. Also, girls who slut-shame. As someone in high school, I don't like serious relationships because I don't see any need for them. However, I do like to flirt with guys, but I make it clear that it's never serious. Even so, it doesn't stop girls from asking me, 'Well, don't you think what you're doing is a little messy? Don't you want to feel loved?' It's just so condescending and demoralizing."
14. "Definitely someone who doesn't let you use or borrow their makeup, period products, hairbrush, a hair tie, etc., when you obviously really need it."
—Anonymous
15. "Always making negative comments about other people's bodies and shaming people for eating 'too much.' For example, saying something like, 'Oh wow, I could NEVER eat that big a bowl of pasta!' That, and if you have a 'friend' who never lets you talk about your life or anything else, for that matter. My 'best friend' of seven years does not let me talk at all whenever we hang out. She's also forgotten my birthday for five years in a row; I have to remind her to send me a 'Happy you exist' text. All in all, if your friend makes you feel less than others, makes you feel bad for talking about yourself, or makes you feel bad about yourself or your body, she is NOT a girl's girl! She only cares about herself, and you need to end the friendship."
16. "When she doesn't have any other women friends and has no interest in befriending women — not even when women try befriending her first. She only has men friends and actively pursues more male friendships, considering herself to be 'one of the guys.' She also rarely has another kind thing to say about another woman."
17. "When a so-called friend fails to inform you of any wardrobe malfunction when you're out in public."
18. "She puts you on blast or purposely goes out of her way to embarrass you. I once knew this girl in my first year of college; she was super smart and outspoken, while I was relatively quiet in class. One day, she singled me out in front of everyone during a class discussion. When I gave a thorough and detailed opinion, she was shocked and seemingly annoyed at my response and knowledge of the subject. It appeared she only picked on me because she thought I'd freeze like a deer in headlights. It was so disappointing to experience."
—Dayanna, 27, California
19. "She's not a girl's girl if she complains about having a woman boss or says she wouldn't want to work for a woman."
20. "When a woman asks your partner questions that compare you and her in personality or appearance. It's such a 'pick me' move and puts you and your S.O. in a really awkward position. If they do that, they're typically fishing for a compliment or are trying to find a way to insult you."
21. "They use other girls to make themselves look better. I had a friend in high school who would always bring around this girl a grade below us to parties, concerts, and other social events. It was weird because my friend didn't try to include her in conversations or even walk beside her. When I asked my friend about the girl, she said, 'She's fat. She makes me look skinnier.' I was shocked, and I just couldn't let that comment go. When I told the younger girl what was said about her, she was upset, but she still kept coming around because she thought it was cool to be around older girls. Sadly, this situation happens a lot. Even in my 30s, I still see it happen constantly."
22. "Not letting other girls be happy or giddy. I had a friend who told me the only reason a guy said I was cute was to make his ex jealous. That doesn't even make sense! It's sad how much some girls put others down to feel better about themselves."
—Anonymous
23. "The BIGGEST sign to me is if a woman thinks a guy is hot, is told that he's already with someone, and her first or only response is, 'So?' To me, that's not just a red flag, it's a stop sign and a burned bridge because I'm done with any girl who thinks like that. For someone to need that type of validation from a man — to verbally disrespect another woman — tells me that she holds no loyalty, lacks integrity, and feels the need to compete against others by any means necessary, whether it's lying, gossiping, throwing someone under the bus, or outright insulting someone to their face. That kind of girl is selfish and insecure; doesn't respect other people's feelings, boundaries, or relationships; and has an extreme need for constant attention."
24. Lastly: "Women who victim-blame other women when they disclose a bad experience they've had with a man, often by pushing harmful gender stereotypes. If a guy is speaking to you disrespectfully or otherwise mistreating you, and a woman is defending his behavior instead of supporting you, that's not a girl's girl. We need to band together to reject the idea that women are responsible for performing free emotional labor for immature and unhealed men."
—Meena, 34, Florida
Honestly, I hope all the girls out there can find healthy and happy friendships with other girls because there's nothing quite like it! It's important to look out for one another and stand up for one another, and that's at the core of being a girl's girl. All right, what are some other signs that signal someone isn't a girl's girl? Share with me down in the comments, or you can submit anonymously using this Google form!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.