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One thing I always try to remind myself is that it's okay to change your mind. When you're exposed to different environments, learn new things, meet new people, and just go through life, it's almost inevitable that some of your beliefs will morph into something slightly different or completely new. Recently, I asked the BuzzFeed Community to share an opinion or belief with me that ultimately changed as they grew older, and some of them were totally unexpected. Here are some of their eye-opening responses:
And if you have any opinions that changed over time, feel free to drop them in the comments below this post, or you can anonymously submit using this form.
1. "I thought I was born to be a mother, and that's all I wanted growing up. Then, in my 20s, I found out that I couldn't have kids. While I was devastated, a flip in me switched. Learning that I couldn't have kids really made me question why I wanted kids in the first place. That's when I realized maybe it shouldn't take five years to answer such a question. So that did it for me. It was a blessing in disguise, honestly."
2. "It's okay to not fully agree with every stance on one side of the political aisle. A lot of topics truly do have nuance, which is why it's so important to get your news from multiple sources rather than one. The hardest lesson I've learned as an adult is just because you want something to be true doesn't mean it is."
—Anonymous
3. "I used to think there was something wrong with being single, so I stayed in unhealthy relationships. Since I had my own kid, I've really embraced being single to the point where I don't date because I simply don't want to. I love the freedom of being alone and living my life how I want to. I don't think I'll ever have another relationship again."
4. "I've found myself getting more judgmental as I've gotten older. Or, to put it more accurately, I've become less of an apologist. I don't make excuses for people that I used to, nor do I see universal tolerance as the highest virtue anymore. When I have a conversation with someone who fundamentally disagrees with me, I'm as likely to change my mind based on their argument or come away undecided. What isn't as likely is that I'll conclude neither of us is ultimately 'more right' than the other. Sometimes things are just wrong; sometimes things can't be reconciled. Not everyone has the luxury of freely seeking information or safely speaking up. Those of us who do have that good fortune need to be brave enough to use it."
5. "Christmas. When I was a little kid, and probably up until I was 13, I loved Christmas since I got lots of great gifts from my parents and grandmothers. Now, as a senior citizen and an agnostic atheist, I basically ignore Christmas. I haven't bought a Christmas gift for someone in probably over 20 years. I mean, I give cash to my younger relatives, but I don't go out and buy actual presents. I also don't want anyone to buy me presents. Last year, I asked some relatives to use the money that would be my present to instead make a contribution in my name to my favorite charity. That's the best gift anyone can give me."
6. "I grew up in the church. As a teen, the opinion I had on abortion was that there are plenty of parents who want to adopt babies, and if you make the choice to have sex, you should be responsible enough to deal with the consequences — with the exception of violent cases. As I grew out of the faith-based value system I was raised with, I realized that a woman's choice of what happens with her own body is more important than anyone else's faith or beliefs. While I never did have an abortion myself, I knew people who did, and by the time I was in my 20s, I knew that if I had the option, I would. I grew into the knowledge that 'I don't want to be pregnant' is a good enough reason for anyone."
7. "I thought that feminism and 'girlboss culture' was an empowering moment, but as the years went by — especially with all the scandals that have happened — I realized that there are times when feminism can be extremely misused and that it can downplay other sectors within it that are important. Equality is more important than power and control."
8. "I've always been a liberal person: I support women's rights, LGBTQ+ rights, I'm pro-choice, anti-racism, etc. I never liked the conservative ideology and grew up thinking that conservative people were the bad guys. But as I grew older — and as the years passed and times changed — I've come to realize that there are good and bad people in both ideologies. Being a conservative doesn't make you a bad person, just like how being a liberal person doesn't make you a good person. I still support all human rights, but I do believe both ideologies take radical and unreasonable stances nowadays."
9. "I used to think finding girls hot was weird, and I kept my opinion of there being nothing wrong with liking women to myself because I was worried about how I'd be perceived. Nope. Just turns out I'm pretty damn bisexual, and it took me until I was 26 to feel comfortable in myself to label myself as such."
10. "Mental health in general. I grew up in a time where bullying was commonplace and you were told to just 'suck it up' as a solution to serious problems. I applaud the bravery and kindness of younger generations in their efforts to change these toxic beliefs and practices. Keep up the amazing work!"
—Heidi, 48, Oklahoma
11. "Social justice. I was raised in a Christian and Republican household, so I was raised to believe that anyone on welfare was 'taking advantage of the system.' Then, my parents made an error and sent me to a Christian university, and I finally read the Bible ALL the way through — not just the lovely little excerpts picked out for church sermons. It radicalized my ideas of social justice, and I came to understand that people can't 'take advantage' of a system that is inherently designed against them. I am no longer a Republican, and I try to advocate for and bring light to inequality through my privilege as a white woman. After all, if Jesus could slip tables in the Temple because of the heresy and greed displayed, I see no reason why I cannot do the same."
12. "That being an introvert and liking being alone was a negative thing. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of friends — I spent a lot of time by myself and didn't go to big parties or events like other people my age. I thought I needed to be out doing something every weekend and party, because if not, then something was fundamentally wrong with me and my social life. As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that it's not a bad thing to not want a very busy lifestyle. I honestly can't handle people anymore now that I'm closer to my mid-20s, and I like having a quiet existence."
13. "The role of the police. I'm white and grew up sheltered, so I fully bought into the idea that the police were a necessary part of society and that most police officers were just good guys doing their jobs. Now, I recognize them as a tool of the carceral state to uphold the rich over the poor. Cops exist to protect the property of rich people, and they aren't even good at that. I'm fully pro-defunding the police now."
14. "I used to be very pessimistic about the future, but as I've grown older (I'm 60), I've developed a more historical perspective, and even though I won't be around for it, I'm optimistic about the future. I mean, same-sex marriage is legal, pay disparity has narrowed, there are more women and POC members that make up Congress, medicine has eradicated diseases like smallpox, and life expectancy continues to grow. The list goes on — there is so much that has happened and more in my lifetime. I'm not suggesting that everything is all rainbows and unicorns, but progress is inevitable."
15. "As a teenager, I would argue anyone to the ground about how abortion was murder without exception. But flash-forward 25-30 years, and not only have I done a complete 180 due to incredible education, but I actually worked with Planned Parenthood for two years and was recognized for my work with patients. Education really is everything. The amount of people I've spoken to who don't even know the real names of certain organs and body parts is heartbreaking. If I had the money, I would do a cross-country bus tour to teach sex-ed in areas that need it."
—Salina, 39, Maryland
16. "Being 'not like other girls,' hating 'girly things,' and generally just trying to distance myself from womanhood. NOT ANYMORE. Women are amazing! I am a girl's girl through and through, and I've stopped caring about what people think about the things that I like."
17. "I was raised conservative. I wasn't privileged, but I was sheltered, so my opinions on safety net programs were naive and poorly informed (thanks to my parents). It only took a couple of years into adulthood for me to easily understand the importance of ensuring that everyone has access to food, shelter, education, and healthcare. The struggle and inability to escape poverty and low-income circumstances is a real thing."
18. "'Poor people are poor because they make bad decisions.' That was a belief hammered into me. I'm a social worker now, and I now know that there are a million reasons to have economic challenges, and most of the time, it has nothing to do with being a good or bad person, how hard you work, etc. Poverty is complex and there are too many systems that perpetuate it. Beliefs are so much of what you learn at an early age, but you can also unlearn them. Take the time to step out of your space, analyze what you know, and accept that you may have been wrong. That's a continuous life process, but it's an intentional effort that will enhance your life."
—Anonymous
19. "I've learned that there's actually nothing wrong with being fat, and my body needs and deserves to be nurtured and celebrated."
20. Last but not least: "I used to think that I needed to do something big and noteworthy in order for my life to be worth it — something that would stick around in collective memory for generations. But now, I've realized that oblivion comes for us all, and at some point, we will all be forgotten. With that, I've let go of the expectation that my life will only be meaningful if I accomplish something far greater than what the average person is capable of. It's better to live a good life than a great life, and I am totally nailing that right now."
—Anonymous, 23, Michigan
Honestly, being a girls' girl is everything to me, and I don't think I'll ever change my mind about that. What opinion did you once have that changed with age? What's a belief you had that you thought you'd never change your mind about, but ended up doing so? Let me know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit using this form!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity