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Trying To Remember What Happened On "House Of Cards"

A threesome and something with China.

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Three of us sat down and attempt to recap what happened on the last season of House of Cards from memory.

We all remember what happened in the first episode:

Frank Underwood freakin' pushed her-

- in front of a train.

Frank didn't seem to break the fourth wall as much.

Frank and Claire went jogging a lot.

Paradoxically, they also smoke cigarettes together sometimes.

Didn't he sometimes smoke joints too?

Maybe because he has trouble going to bed.

Meanwhile...

Trouble in the White House bedroom?

Trouble in the White House bedroom?

And there's this guy...

Frank flies to the Midwest and impatiently has to go...

But he pisses Tusk off and so later at a stadium...

Because Tusk controls electricity.

Because Tusk controls electricity.

This was awkward.

But then, uh, woah. Threesome.

The son of the BBQ guy got arrested.

And then the BBQ place closes. Frank is sad.

Meanwhile:

And a creepy army general shows up.

Claire is having an affair with this guy:

He took a picture of her sleeping.

Claire goes on TV and talks about having an abortion.

And Frank goes to a Civil War reenactment at some point.

The bald politician has a night with a call-girl and falls off the wagon.

Which is what Frank wanted to happen.

Which is what Frank wanted to happen.

Frank sends the call-girl away and she is very lonely.

But she makes a friend.

And then murders Frank's other bald goon.

The Underwoods go in a helicopter at some point (to Camp David?)

Frank tricks President Dummy into resigning.

And it all ends with Frank becoming the most powerful man in the world!

And so we constructed our own House of Index Cards. Did we cheat by using Scotch tape? You're damn right. If that show taught us anything it's that you'll need to cheat if you want to win.

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed