Here's Why It's Bad To Eat In Front Of Your Computer

    Perhaps you're doing that at this very moment!

    1. It's gross and sad.

    2. Bits of food that fall into your keyboard will eventually take seed.

    3. Your co-workers are all plotting against you when you don't eat lunch with them.

    4. Facebook is filming you through your webcam and will someday post the footage on your timeline, without warning.

    5. You will become a goblin.

    6. Here's the scariest scenario of all: What if a piece of tuna falls into your keyboard and lands on a microchip...

    ...and somehow the tuna fish consciousness is reconstructed through it's DNA and it becomes a virtual entity.

    ...and then it appears on every TV and computer screen in the world like in The Lawnmower Man or that Johnny Depp movie that no one saw? becomes an omnipotent singularity hell-bent on revenge for the centuries of tuna-fishing and ocean pollution that mankind has inflicted!

    And then the Digital Tuna God turns off every dam in the world, flooding most of civilization, killing billions. ALL BECAUSE YOU ATE LUNCH AT YOUR DESK!

    7. It's just sad.