12 Corporate Mascots From Your Childhood Who Weren't As Cool As They Thought

    Sunglasses are an accessory, not an attitude.

    Dan Meth
    by Dan Meth

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. Max Headroom

    Coca-Cola

    New Coke... same old corporate brainwashing. Those backgrounds were designed by the CIA for mind-control purposes... that's why we can't remember anything he said!

    2. Mac Tonight

    McDonalds / Via flickr.com

    Why would the moon need sunglasses anyway? Maybe so he can hide the shame of helping to cause widespread diabetes.

    3. Spuds McKenzie

    Budweiser / Via msnbcmedia.msn.com

    This pitbull who caused millions of children to deaden their minds with alcohol. Not cool, Spuds. Not cool.

    4. Joe Camel

    Camel / Via 171.67.24.121

    Where do I start? How about the fact that his nose was designed to subliminally make people think of every sexual body part at once? That's almost more egregious than encouraging children to die from emphysema.

    5. Icee bear.

    ICEE Co.

    Dude, you're skating towards the bank to deposit your paycheck from Big Corn Syrup. Get over yourself.

    6. Finn the Goldfish

    Pepperidge Farm / Via afrugalfriend.net

    He's smug because he's the only one of his friends with shades. But is he ever in the bag? No, he's suspiciously absent when you devour his tribe. Shady.

    7.

    Energizer / Via static.wix.com

    This phoney... smugly promoting environment-polluting batteries. I mean, you can recycle batteries but a lot of people probably don't. His fault.

    8. The Blue M&M

    M&Ms / Via pinterest.com

    What? You think you're cooler than the other M&M's? You're all the same underneath your shells: greedy.

    9. Chester Cheetah

    Kraft Foods / Via flickr.com

    Another wanna be skater pushing high-calorie death blobs. And worst of all, he has no chill about it. Corporate spazz.

    10. The California Raisin with sunglasses

    California Raisin Advisory Board / Via collectingcandy.com

    These raisins started out promoting California's healthy agricultural crop and within a year they were whoring themselves as toys in Hardee's fast food kids meals. Marvin Gaye spun in his grave while they spun around all the way to the bank.

    11. Kid Vid

    Burger King / Via blogger.com

    Burger King Kids Club leader Kid Vid wore kneepads for a reason: He bowed down to corporate avarice for a straight decade before he disappeared from the public eye. Once Madison Avenue had disposed of him, Kid Vid descended into a seedy underworld of drugs. After being busted for narcotics possession in 2004, Kid Vid went to rehab and began his path down the road to redemption.

    "Mostly, I felt a lot of guilt about being a fast food mascot. I think that's what the drugs helped me hide from. Advertisting is no different than any other organized crime," he told People Magazine in 2012. "Once The Kids Club didn't need me, they just shut the door. That was it."

    Today Kid Vid works with community non-profits that promote healthy eating. He has two young sons of his own. "Raising a family," he says, "is what's actually cool. Now I know."

    12. 7 Up's Cool Spot

    7 Up / Via blogger.com

    Ok, he was actually pretty cool.