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9 Unfortunate Truths About Ben Affleck Playing Batman

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You have to get a grip. You absolutely have to, right now, right this moment, get a grip. This is not the end of the world, or your life, or even the things you like. This is casting news for a media franchise that recycles itself every few years.

What does it even mean that something like this could have an impact on your emotional state? I really want to talk about this. If loving fiction is part of what makes us human, then it has to be possible to take that love too far, to turn that adoration into obsession and be blind to everything else.

I don't want to turn this into a battle of "Who would you cast instead?" because that conversation kind of misses the point. Some things I know to be true:

1. Warner Bros. does not care about you. Their investment in your happiness begins and ends with your willingness to give them $10 to see a movie. That is it. That is 100% of their emotional connection to you as a viewer. They do not care what you think about anything. They do not even care if you have a good time at the movie. They just want you to pay to see it.

2. Ben Affleck is a working actor and director. His job is to take on film roles that will allow him to practice his craft while also earning money and cementing his position in the industry. Being offered a spot in a franchise like this, even for one movie, is the kind of job offer whose importance and power cannot be understated. His job is to act in movies. He booked a big job. That is pretty much where the conversation ends.

3. You have no idea what the actual movie will be like. None.

4. There are so many wonderful movies out there — and books, and TV series, and songs, and just ordinary human moments — that to obsess over a piece of superhero casting news would be to risk losing sight of what matters in life. I am not joking about this. I am completely serious. Worshipping these things will eat you alive, and fetishizing these gargantuan media properties is the quickest way to pour your love into something that will never be capable of returning it.

5. It is totally OK to look forward to a movie, and to hope that it's good. It is dangerous and sad to let that anticipation curdle into anger and to let a piece of casting news — seriously, fucking casting news — control your emotions.

Be safe out there.

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