What do you get when you bring all of your toxic family members around a table with a dead bird in the middle?
You guessed it, Thanksgiving dinner!!! We've all got some wild Thanksgiving stories, but nothing compares to the ones on this Reddit thread started by u/IAmA_Wolf. They asked users to share the trashiest thing somebody has done at their family Thanksgiving, and boy, did they deliver:
1. "Grandma threatened to shit in the turkey if we didn't let her watch Jeopardy."
2. "My aunt, uncle, and cousins made no food and took 90% of it home."
3. "My aunt decided to announce she got chlamydia as we started to eat, and my grandmother told her getting stuffed by random people is for turkeys. I laughed really hard."
4. "The woman my cousin had just married stole a Costco-sized box of individually wrapped Cheez-It packages from our garage. I just happened to notice they were gone while putting food in the fridge. I asked about it publicly, and she looked up, started stuttering, and went to get them out of her car. She returned with the excuse, 'I thought these were mine. I have a box just like them at home.'"
5. "My uncle poured Crown Royal whiskey on his turkey and ate it."
6. "My cousin was responsible for bringing the dessert. She showed up three hours late, and instead of bringing dessert, she brought an open bag of frozen pierogis. It was a real downer."
7. "My uncle shot the TV because of how the Lions were playing. This was back in '77 or '78."
8. "One of my aunts found out her husband was sleeping with her brother. She found one of her husband's shirts (from a vacation they took) with cum on it in her brother's bedroom when she went to the bathroom."
9. "My Aunt Janie took a bunch of Xanax (and who knows what else) on top of a jug of Carlo Rossi that she had hidden in her room. She then proceeded to steal every spoon in the house while the rest of us were drinking and playing games. EVERY. SINGLE. SPOON. We found them in her purse. Why just the spoons?"
10. "My father’s girlfriend sat at the head of the table at my house and acted like she was the hostess while monopolizing the entire conversation. I was her waitstaff. It was my first time meeting her. Five years later, they are still together, but I haven’t seen her in 4 years, 11 months, and 29 days."
11. "I have an uncle who once got so drunk, he decided to mix the red and white wines together."
12. "This isn’t an isolated thing, but if someone doesn’t show up for Thanksgiving or Christmas, we automatically check the inmate records at the county jail. It’s happened a few times that someone’s absence is accounted for by an arrest and/or jail stay."
13. "We were hosting Thanksgiving and prepared all the food ourselves. My mom spent all morning cooking and baking. My aunt, uncle, and cousins arrived right before dinner and walked in with a White Castle case and said they'd just stopped to eat a few minutes ago. We had prepared Thanksgiving just for them, and they decided that they wanted White Castle instead."
14. "My aunt was sent to bed because she was too drunk last year and ended up falling down the stairs an hour later when she tried coming back."
15. "One of my family members picked up an entire stick of butter with their hand to butter their corn."
16. "My mother-in-law died one September after only knowing she had cancer for less than a year. My parents invited her widower husband to have Thanksgiving with us. He spent much of the time giddily talking about dating apps. My husband was not amused."
17. "My blasted uncle got butt naked for the 'what do you give thanks for' speeches. No joke."
18. And finally, "My dad threw dog shit at my cousin because said cousin farted in my dad's face."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.