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17 Nonbinary People Shared The Things They Want Everyone To Know About Them

"Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny."

We recently asked nonbinary people within the BuzzFeed Community to share the things they wish everyone understood about their identity. Here's what they said:

1. "Being nonbinary is not a fad or a phase. Nonbinary people and identities have been around for centuries. There hasn't been a sudden increase in nonbinary people — there has been an increase in nonbinary people COMING OUT."


2. "Some enbies (nonbinary people) get surgeries and/or take hormones to feel more at home in their bodies, and some don’t. Medical interventions don’t make anyone less or more nonbinary."

— charleschunk

3. "Gender identity DOES NOT EQUAL gender expression. If I dress feminine, I’m still nonbinary. Also, not every nonbinary person is androgynous. Nonbinary people don’t owe you androgyny."

— amayaw116

4. "Not every nonbinary person is an AFAB (assigned female at birth) with a pixie cut. Not that there’s anything wrong with nonbinary people who are like that, but not enough attention is given to nonbinary people of color, plus-size nonbinary people, disabled nonbinary people, etc."

— alfadrottning

5. "I can dress however I want and look however I want — I'm still nonbinary. Also, you don't have to 'understand' it; you just have to be kind and respectful!"


6. "They/them can be singular and plural. You've probably said 'they' singular many more times than you realize."

— NotNyx

7. "Even though I typically present very femme, my pronouns are they/them. I’ve learned not to use the terms 'sir,' 'ma’am,' and 'miss' when talking to people I don’t know, because it personally feels awful to be called 'ma’am' or 'miss' when I am not a girl."

— FrenchieEvan

8. "Just because I use she/they pronouns doesn't mean you should just refer to me as 'she' or 'her.' I get that I'm AFAB and femme-presenting, but those aren't my only pronouns."

— CanUNotMyWaywardSon

9. "Just because you are nonbinary doesn’t mean that you have to stop wearing things because they are associated with the sex that you were born with. Wear whatever makes you happy."

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10. "I’m genderfluid masc-presenting and identify as trans and nonbinary! It is possible to be both. A lot of people think that the two are mutually exclusive, but many of my trans friends identify as both trans and enby."

— cloud_of_chaos

11. "Not all nonbinary people use they/them pronouns. I’m genderfluid, and some days I use he/him, or she/her, or even neopronouns."

— charthestarr

12. "My pronouns are she/they because I know it's too much to ask people who have known me as female my entire life to refer to me any other way. I prefer they/them. I will accept she/her."

— phonicphoenix

13. "When I talk about someone who is nonbinary, that is NOT your cue to ask about their assigned gender at birth. It's so disrespectful, and if you ask I'll give you a bullshit answer."


— NeoGnat

14. "It's really stressful and annoying when people make it feel like you're a burden when they get your pronouns wrong... You're not the victim in this scenario. Mistakes can happen — you might misgender someone by accident. If you ever do misgender someone, apologize, continue with the right pronouns, and work on remembering their correct pronouns. It's actually pretty easy."

— joy6ix

15. "Being nonbinary is a different lived experience for each person that identifies that way. We are on a spectrum like the rest of the LGBTQ community. Gender is a social construct and subjective. We just want to be happy and be free to live with love and authenticity."

— acuna818

16. "I don't want to be defined and categorized by one gene out of all the genes we're born with. There's so much more to a person than their sex chromosomes or what's hidden in their pants. It's really, really weird and creepy to care so much about it."

— wanderingkitties

17. And finally, "If I want to wear a dress and heels one day and pants, boots, and a flannel the next, I'm not confused. I just love me."


— zakura317

For more information on the nonbinary community, click here.

Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

Looking for more ways to get involved? Check out all of BuzzFeed's posts celebrating Pride 2021.

Kevin Valente / BuzzFeed