Buongiorno fellow Americans. I've come to serve you a steaming dish of harsh reality. A truth so hard to swallow, you'll be left feeling like this:
Both of my parents grew up in Italy, and they've been waiting a long time to communicate the suffering they've endured from merely glancing at Italian-American restaurant menus. Here are Leslie and Mark in all their miserable glory:
Hopefully I can help ease some of their pain by informing you all that...
1.People do not eat spaghetti and meatballs in Italy.
2.People do not eat chicken or veal parmesan in Italy.
3.People do not eat chicken in pasta in Italy.
4.People do not eat chicken on pizza in Italy.
5.People do not eat Italian dressing in Italy.
6.People do not eat garlic bread in Italy.
7.People do not eat baked ziti in Italy.
8.People do not eat penne alla vodka in Italy.
9.People do not eat sausage and onions in Italy.
10.People do not eat pizza rolls in Italy.
11.People do not eat mozzarella sticks in Italy.
12.People do not eat Italian wedding soup with pasta in it in Italy.
13.People do not eat Caesar salad in Italy.
14.People do not eat pepperoni in Italy. No, not even on pizza.
15.People do not say "shrimp scampi" in Italy. That's like saying "shrimp shrimp." They just eat "scampi."
16.People do not eat spaghetti carbonara with bacon bits in Italy. It has pancetta, an entirely different part of the pig.
17.People do not eat cheesecake made with cream cheese in Italy.
18.People do not eat macaroni and cheese in Italy.