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    Dec 19, 2014

    The Creepiest Stuffed Animals In The World Can Be Yours

    Won't you give them a new home?

    1. This rabbit.

    eBay: shopeasystreet / Via ebay.com

    You can tell it's a rabbit because he's holding a carrot. His chubby cheeks are full of human meat.

    Current Price: US $28.96

    2. This naughty duckling.

    eBay: muchossabores / Via ebay.com

    He's been a bad widdle ducky. Mostly because he made a bib (?) out of his own flesh.

    Current Price: US $54.99

    3. This monkey with tired, red, tired eyes.

    eBay: lholt17 / Via ebay.com

    "He should have blood red eyes and be gazing down at a banana."

    "Like he wants to eat it?"

    "No, more like he's going to shoot himself with it."

    Current Price: US $51.00

    4. This pink dog.

    eBay: Ritzerags / Via ebay.com

    Fun fact: If you cut open this dog, Quaaludes spill out.

    Current Price: $US 29.99

    5. A scarecrow that is definitely not the devil.

    eBay: dew620charles / Via ebay.com

    Mom, can you leave the nightlight on? Also, can you burn this? Also, can we move?

    Current Price: $19.99

    6. Your old pal, "Shotgun Red."

    eBay: cmmoore72 / Via ebay.com

    This one's not that frightening until you learn his name is Shotgun Red. Comes with official tourniquet for when you and Red have a little misunderstanding out behind the woodshed.

    Current Price US $21.00

    7. This not-okay bear.

    eBay: swansong213 / Via ebay.com

    Mr. Bear hasn't been the same since the war.

    Current Price: US $63.99

    8. AAAH WHAT THE F#&K

    eBay: shinkugadoken / Via ebay.com

    9. This, uh, you know, this guy.

    eBay: carolchina / Via ebay.com

    Who didn't grow up cuddling one of these heavy-lidded, alcoholic carpet samples?

    Current Price: US $29.99

    10. This Garfield who is ready if you are.

    eBay: rust45324 / Via ebay.com

    "Hey baby, it's Monday. You know what that means."

    Current Price: US $30.00

    11. Mr. Magoo in a kimono.

    eBay: shakespearefreak / Via ebay.com

    This rubber-faced old blind man in a sexy Japanese robe is a toy from a decade that never happened for a child who never existed.

    Current Price: US $29.99

    12. Cross-eyed, Christmas Kermit.

    eBay: Yunia15 / Via ebay.com

    "You know who kids like? Kermit. Let's do a Kermit."

    "Okay."

    "But not Baby Kermit. He should have an adult-sized head, but on a little baby body."

    "Of course."

    "And googly-eyes. Like he just got hit in the face with a shovel."

    "Obviously."

    "Also he's a Christmas."

    I had this one. Current Price: US $31.95

    13. Cat-calling racoon.

    eBay: hardtimescallfornewideas / Via ebay.com

    HEY SMILE BABY SO BEAUTIFUL WHY DON'T YOU SMILE MORE?

    Current Price: US $29.95

    14. Mickey Mouse?

    ebay: Virgo_Dental_Gal / Via ebay.com

    From his pants-less phase.

    Current Price: US $75.00

    15. Mickey Mouse???

    eBay: andamanauctions / Via ebay.com

    From his floppy-red-ears, technically-a-fox phase.

    Current Price: US $99.99

    16. ...Mickey Mouse?!!

    ebay: familyjewelsinc / Via ebay.com

    From his covered-with-red-fur, bib-with-his-own-name-on-it, nose-chewed-off-by-a-dog phase.

    Current Price: $35.99

    17. Garfi-OH MY GOD.

    eBay: dunn9204 / Via ebay.com

    WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PUT THAT AWAY

    Seriously who are these Garfield dolls for? Current Price: US $29.99

    18. A dead Luigi.

    eBay: ricksvintagestuff / Via ebay.com

    All the blood is pooled in his head.

    Current Price: US $94.99

    19. Minnie Mouse that survived at least one fire.

    eBay: Stutsglider / Via ebay.com

    If you can call that surviving.

    Current Price: US $19.99

    21. The Baby From Hi & Lois.

    eBay: almegadirector / Via ebay.com

    Remember Hi & Lois? They were Beetle Bailey's family. He never came home from the war. They're still waiting. This is the baby.

    Current Price: US $79.95

    22. AAAALLLVINNNNN!

    ebay: goldenyearsinc / Via eBay.com

    Want a plane that loops the loop / Me? I want to murder you.

    This one plays music. Current Price: US $70.00

    23. A Fairly Oddparent.

    eBay: toyxchange / Via eBay.com

    Proof that toys don't need to be from the 1950s to be terrifying. This generation produced just as many evil stuffed animals to come to life at night and put stuff under your fingernails.

    Current Price: US $59.99

    24. Kanga and Roo.

    eBay: funkycrap / Via ebay.com

    "WHY MOTHER? WHY WAS I BORN?"

    Current Price: US $52.38

    25. E.T. I guess.

    eBay: 1sphynx / Via eBay.com

    I agree, E.T. isn't scary enough. He should look like he killed a more cuddly stuffed animal and decided to wear its skin.

    Current Price: US $59.99

    26. Oh cool another Garfiel—OH HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS SACRED.

    eBay: skanterman / Via ebay.com

    KZSD0F9U0W2JFOIWEJFOKZSDJVOKZSDF'OVZ'SOFIVJZ'OIG

    GARFIELD HAS NEVER LOOKED LIKE THIS — WHY ARE HIS EYES POKEBALLS

    CURRENT PRICE: A LIFETIME OF SEEING THIS EVERY TIME YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES

    27. Smurf with extremely long arms and legs.

    eBay: jptimes6 / Via ebay.com

    What did they do to you? Why did they do this to you? Nothing makes sense anymore.

    Current Price: $49.99

    28. Mickey again.

    eBay: hardtimescallfornewideas / Via ebay.com

    I don't even care anymore.

    Current Price: US $49.99

    29. A Snoopy missing most of its face.

    eBay: capesterdani0971 / Via ebay.com

    Won't you give this piece of nightmare garbage a forever home?

    Current Price: US $35.99

    30. No idea.

    eBay: capesterdani0971 / Via ebay.com

    Could be Rudolph, could be Fozzie — could be yours.

    Current Price: US $26.99

    31. A Pac-Man skin rug.

    eBay: cgri2948 / Via ebay.com

    Complete with Pac-Man's famous blood red eyes.

    I'm done looking for explanations for these. Current Price: US $36.95

    32. A Country Bear.

    eBay: katrinastoys / Via ebay.com

    Don't look directly at its mouth.

    You're looking directly at its mouth, aren't you.

    Current Price: US $29.99

    33. This is Animal.

    eBay: angelasells / Via ebay.com

    You remember Animal. This is what Animal looks like.

    Current Price: US $39.95

    34. Popeye.

    eBay: un-dumb / Via ebay.com

    Or more accurately, Popeye's head on a different stuffed animal with its skin removed.

    Current Price: US $39.99

    35. Charlie Horse.

    eBay: bathman-cooper / Via ebay.com

    I'm positive that this is what it looks like when you put baby clothes on a horse fetus, but I refuse to google it.

    Current Price: US $35.95

    36. A skunk that wants to have sex with you.

    eBay: shonidavid / Via ebay.com

    Yet another fun toy that normal children will like.

    Current Price: US $12.00

    37. Merciless Santa Claus.

    eBay: 2010Pike1992 / Via ebay.com

    He see you when you're sleeping. He judges. He punishes. He does not hesitate and he does not forgive.

    If you hear hoof steps on your rooftop, you're already dead.

    Current Price: US $55.00

    38. Angry cigar who is smoking smaller cigar.

    eBay: dboyleswv / Via ebay.com

    Even if this didn't look like a poop that is eating one of his own poops (which it does), it would still be a stuffed animal of an angry cigar. It's also smoking a yet smaller cigar, which I'm pretty sure is some kind of omni-crime combining arson, cannibalism, and infanticide.

    Current Price: US $39.99

    39. A bear from history.

    eBay: springpatch62704 / Via ebay.com

    Your son or daughter will love this bear who looks like he is the mascot for an oatmeal that they stopped making during World War II because it had radium in it.

    Current Price: US $42.36

    40. Impossible to tell.

    eBay: mailyddoh / Via ebay.com

    Whatever this animal started its life as, it's 80% bedbugs now.

    Current Price: US $12.00 and a lifetime of infestation.

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