This Is What It's Like To Watch "Harry Potter" For The First Time

Wood! Balls! Murder! I can't believe I waited this long.

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I was 18 when the first Harry Potter film came out. I thought I was too old, too cool, and decided I'd never watch the films or read the books.

So, almost 13 years after the first film was released, I finally watched it. I also live-tweeted the whole thing.

I've never read any of the books or seen the films: Harry Potter and the Philosopher/Sorcerer's Stone, here we go.

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

I've never read any of the books or seen the films: Harry Potter and the Philosopher/Sorcerer's Stone, here we go.

1:00 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

At 31, I boarded the Hogwarts Express to Pottertown. Here is what I learned.

Warner Bros.

I realise that the Hogwarts Express does not actually stop at Pottertown, and that Pottertown may not be an actual place.

There seems to be a fair amount of child abuse going on thus far.

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

There seems to be a fair amount of child abuse going on thus far.

1:09 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Kidnap!

Warner Bros.

Why they didn't just keep him and raise him themselves in relative safety of Hogwarts and the several hundred wizards who reside there, instead condemning him to years of ridicule and abuse at the hands of his relatives, is anyone's guess.

Harry tries a couple of wands until he finds one that is thematically connected to the guy who murdered his parents, obvs.

Warner Bros.

It's easy to guess the right wand as it comes with a built in halo/'80s wind machine.

Giant Robbie Coltrane tells Harry how he got his scar.

"Voldemort... tried... to... kill... me... ?" - DanRad skipped Hogwarts and went to the Shatner School of Dramatic Arts.

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

"Voldemort... tried... to... kill... me... ?" - DanRad skipped Hogwarts and went to the Shatner School of Dramatic Arts.

1:53 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Harry just handed over several thousand pounds worth of gold for some sweets.

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

Harry just handed over several thousand pounds worth of gold for some sweets.

2:02 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Hermione: How to fix glasses and influence people.

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

Hermione: How to fix glasses and influence people.

2:06 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

No-one in this film is having more fun than Alan Rickman. "If you possess... the pre...dis...position..." #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

No-one in this film is having more fun than Alan Rickman. "If you possess... the pre...dis...position..." #finallywatchingHP

2:25 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Harry discovers he is good at flying, which leads us to the highlight of the film this far: this hunk.

"Not bad Potter. You'd make a fair beater." LOL #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

"Not bad Potter. You'd make a fair beater." LOL #finallywatchingHP

2:46 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Anyway, now they are all friends. Time for...

"Make a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a while. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." – Hermione #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

"Make a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a while. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." – Hermione #finallywatchingHP

3:17 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

The game is followed by a bunch of exposition.

Ron is good at chess! I bet this will not come in handy ever. #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

Ron is good at chess! I bet this will not come in handy ever. #finallywatchingHP

3:23 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

I do not anticipate the trip into the "Dark Forest" encountering any problems. #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

I do not anticipate the trip into the "Dark Forest" encountering any problems. #finallywatchingHP

3:48 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

After which the gang split up for some reason.

Splitting up never ends badly #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

Splitting up never ends badly #finallywatchingHP

3:52 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

@wordsbydan It's like he has ESPN or something

Kate B@katbow

@wordsbydan It's like he has ESPN or something

4:10 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

"Hi Harry! I'm a centaur, I'm here to explain the plot to your for a few minutes. Then I'll be off." #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

"Hi Harry! I'm a centaur, I'm here to explain the plot to your for a few minutes. Then I'll be off." #finallywatchingHP

4:00 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

The next day, the gang try to do a badass walk. Hermione nails it, but Harry is messing it up for Ron.

Oh yeah, the plot.

"As long as Dumbledore is around, you're safe" HANDS UP IF YOU THINK DUMBLEDORE IS ABOUT TO GO AWAY #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

"As long as Dumbledore is around, you're safe" HANDS UP IF YOU THINK DUMBLEDORE IS ABOUT TO GO AWAY #finallywatchingHP

4:03 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Approx. 18 hours after the film started, the gang decide to get on with the big finale and sneak out. Neville tries to stop them with his pyjamas.

TIL Three children can move a the paw of a giant dog, presumably weighing as much as a car, with little effort. #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

TIL Three children can move a the paw of a giant dog, presumably weighing as much as a car, with little effort. #finallywatchingHP

4:16 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Seriously, look. Here it is in slow motion.

Warner Bros.

The debris cuts his face under the eye. Hermione goes to find a representative of the actors union to complain about mistreatment of a minor. Harry goes on alone.

Dumbledore rewards his crime with jelly beans.

"Here Harry, you legit just murdered a dude. Have some sweets." #finallywatchingHP

Daniel Dalton@wordsbydan

"Here Harry, you legit just murdered a dude. Have some sweets." #finallywatchingHP

5:02 PM - 09 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

"With the stone gone, does that mean Voldemort can never come back?"

Warner Bros.

(Oh yeah, this whole film involved a stone, which I forgot to mention. It's in the title. It gets destroyed, obvs.)