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23 Things You'll Only Know If You Go To The Cinema Alone

Because going WITH someone is weird.

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1. Hey you know what sucks?

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Being surrounded by people.

2. People are the worst.

Universal Pictures

Just, ugh.

3. With their eating.

Universal Pictures

And their existing.

4. With their questions.

Lionsgate

"What did I miss?" "Manners Day, apparently."

5. You know what doesn’t suck?

Optimum Releasing

Solitude.

6. Sweet, syrupy, solitude.

Vertigo Films

And darkness. Darkness is good.

7. Fun fact: Going to the movies with someone is WEIRD AS SHIT.

Columbia Pictures

"Hey, fucko, you wanna sit in this dark room with me facing the same direction and not talking for two hours - three if it's a Peter Jackson jam – and then disagree on the experience after? COOL ME NEITHER."

8. You know what isn't weird?

Fox Searchlight

Going to the movies alone.

9. Even though the movie theatre jerks try to make it weird like, “so…just one ticket?”

MGM

"Yes. YES. One goddamn ticket."

10. Movies are excellent.

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Even the terrible ones.

11. And nothing ruins a movie like people.

Warner Bros.

How are you supposed to lose yourself in the film with all those people around?

12. Just to recap, people: Boo.

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You tell 'em, Aaron Paul.

13. No people: Yay!

youtube.com

Shia Lebeouf applause is the best applause.

14. Because the discerning soloist knows to go during the middle of the day, when literally no-one else is at the cinema.

The CW

Or on hot days. Or during major public events. Or during armageddon.

15. You don't have to argue about what you’re going to see.

Nickelodeon

No disagreements. No violence. No Adam Sandler.

16. You don't even have to get dressed.

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Just wear whatever you slept in. You can be your best self.

17. You can just chill and spend some quality time with your real friends.

Disney

You know, fictional characters.

18. Uninterrupted by human contact.

New Line Cinema

Who even needs other people.

19. No-one will get up to go to the bathroom.

Warner Bros.

My nightmare.

20. No-one will complain when you live-tweet that piece of shit.

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"Hey @MichaelBay: Transform this."

21. No-one will try to put their dick in the popcorn.

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Every. Goddamn. Time.

22. No-one will notice you straight jacking it in the back row.

Universal

Pee-Wee Herman/Discerning Soloists know what I'm talking about.

23. Just two hours of glorious, golden solitude.

Relativity Media

Or eight hours if you stay all day. There's nothing for you outside.