23 Things You'll Only Know If You Go To The Cinema Alone
Because going WITH someone is weird.
Hey you know what sucks?
With their questions.
You know what doesn’t suck?
Sweet, syrupy, solitude.
Fun fact: Going to the movies with someone is WEIRD AS SHIT.
You know what isn't weird?
Even though the movie theatre jerks try to make it weird like, “so…just one ticket?”
Movies are excellent.
And nothing ruins a movie like people.
Just to recap, people: Boo.
No people: Yay!
Because the discerning soloist knows to go during the middle of the day, when literally no-one else is at the cinema.
You don't have to argue about what you’re going to see.
You don't even have to get dressed.
You can just chill and spend some quality time with your real friends.
Uninterrupted by human contact.
No-one will get up to go to the bathroom.
No-one will complain when you live-tweet that piece of shit.
No-one will try to put their dick in the popcorn.
No-one will notice you straight jacking it in the back row.
Just two hours of glorious, golden solitude.
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