14 Actually Pretty Solid Pieces Of Mom Advice
From sex to weddings and beyond.
1. The wedding is just a big party.
"If you want a wedding, I’ll throw you a big princess-for-a-day party and get it over with. Marriages and weddings aren’t the same thing, and too many people wake up the morning after the wedding with no idea how to have a marriage." —kaydepuckettifbbp
2. If you're not first, you're last.
"After a hard-fought and long divorce battle my mom told me: 1. Never settle for second best. 2. Don’t get mad, get EVERYTHING!! Yaaas, daahhlingg!" —BubblesDevere
4. Back hair = deal breaker.
"My mom has 3 basic life rules: 1. Don’t fry anything, especially bacon, naked. 2. Don’t date a guy with a mullet. 3. Don’t date a guy with obvious back hair." —kaygro272
7. Everyone knows *movie night* is code for something else.
"If you’re on a date with a guy at the movies and you're actually watching the movie, you’re doing it wrong." —Savannah Serna
8. Run from Scott and Stephen.
"Stay away from guys named Scott and Stephen because they usually turn out to be crazy." —caitlinw48d7aa030
9. Never cry over someone around your mother.
"If I ever catch you crying about a girl, I’ll hit you with a broom and really give you something to cry about." —hernanh3
11. First dates can be fun.
"Go on any first date. Whether it goes well or it’s awful at least you get a free meal." —Superfangers
12. Dog people aren't always the ~best~ people.
"Don’t think just because he has a dog he’s a good person. Hitler loved dogs." —ppdd
13. Orgasms and cats are the key to happiness.
"She told me to find a man who gives you orgasms and likes cats." —chelseah4bf273d74
14. And finally...always have a towel handy.
"Bring a towel to bed. What goes in always comes back out." —katrinac4bb41fe8b
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.