16 Things You'll Hear In The Pub During Every Premiership Season

It’s not quite the sport your dad grew up with, that’s for sure. But thankfully some things about the beautiful game never change. And you’re sure to overhear these nuggets of footballing wisdom from the real experts

1. Conspiracy theories

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"You know, I've heard they heat the balls so they can know which teams to keep apart..."

2. Bold opinions based entirely on a recent game of Football Manager

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Cherno Samba, anyone?

3. Groans about those eccentric foreign goalkeepers

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...Yeah, even we're not really sure what he's up to in this one

4. Blind optimism...

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"Three minutes of injury time, you say?"

5. Captivating tales of Sunday league heroics

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"Must have been 35 yards out, easily..."

6. Witty banter from a group of even-tempered, well-adjusted, normal, happy people

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Ah, who are we kidding. We're going to drink beer in the most crowded venue possible and shout at some multi-millionaires on TV for the next two hours

7. Other people's gambling stories...

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Brilliant, another story about an eight-team accumulator that nearly came in last week... Think I'll pop to the toilet...

8. A lot of love for this man...

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Gary Neville, the king of pundits...

9. But not so much for this man...

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Nice guys really do finish last

10. And yes... him too

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"In and around the penalty spot" isn't a thing, Andy...

11. "I've been supporting them since before they were good!"*

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*Technically applicable to all Newcastle fans

12. "He would have given that if it was outside the box..."

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Shoulda coulda woulda

13. "Well, if it's not a penalty, then he has to book him for diving!'

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Technically not true...

14. "Ball to hand, ref!"

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Firstly, that's not actually a rule. Secondly, why are you shouting at the screen?

15. Outlandish assumptions about a referee's character

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"Oh see, that Clattenberg just loves the attention doesn't he? Anything to get himself a bit of face time on TV. Just look at that haircut! Pathetic..."

16. "He's not fit to wear the shirt...."

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The chubby footballer is sadly a dying breed in the modern game. Oh to hark back to the days of Thomas Brolin, Jan Molby and, er, Benni McCarthy.

So make sure you're fit to wear yours...

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Another thing you can count on this season is RetroFootballDirect.co.uk for the UK's largest catalogue of retro football shirts. Whether you're at the game or down the pub, show your support in style.