The Most Ridiculous Christmas Gift List Of 2014

The youngest of three boys makes his annual Christmas gift list to his family.

Andy as Santa in Rockefeller Center

Mia and Andy Travel Fun

Dear Family,

2014 was a great year for me and I was a very good boy. I am well deserving of the most lavish Christmas gifts ever created, please keep this in mind when purchasing my gifts on my wish list this year.

Here is my Christmas wish list for this year. My middle brother Joe recently said that some of my gift lists in the past would need a miracle to occur in order for someone to buy them all for me. To this I say, it's a good thing I believe in miracles.

1) The ‘Coolest’ Cooler. I want this gift the most, which is why I am asking for it first. The 'Coolest' Cooler will enable me to be the life of the party when I go to the beach and when I am camping with friends. This amazing device has a blender and will enable me to make my signature organic Banana Daiquiris. It also has a stereo so I can live out my dream of being ‘DJ Andy P’ on the beach. If you kick in around $50 each, including Grandma, you can make this dream a reality. Here is a link for a $50 coupon discount http://coolest.com/order-now-2-2/

2) I would like my big brother Will locked in a closet for an hour without food or bathroom. He can have as much water as he wants before and during his appearance in the closet. This is to make up for when he used to lock me in the closet in the game room for hours when I was a kid.

3) Grandma’s ridiculous Russian cake recipe with baking instructions.

4) Slippers for my girlfriends place. She consistently refuses to turn on the heat at night. When I wake up in the morning and I walk bare foot to the kitchen to make coffee, it feels like I am walking on an ice rink. It really sucks. Please make sure the slippers have plastic bottoms as there seems to always be a puddle on her kitchen floor and I hate walking around the apartment in wet socks. Make sure you get wide width slippers as my feet are built like frying pans.

5) A convertible sports car, anything Japanese or European.

6) Something to make me grow 2-3 inches taller. I'm talking about my body height here Will and Joe.

7) I would like a handwritten card from each of you. Since I live so far away from my family and friends, I often get lonely. I save all the cards people give me, and when I get lonely and they make me feel better.

8) I would like a megaphone so that I can have better announcements when I do my belly flops at the pool for my YouTube videos. I would also like to use the megaphone to yell at jerks when they are crossing the street illegally and I almost hit them with my car. I know that I asked for this last year. Please make this happen. They are selling them at the Marshalls in Hollywood for $10.

9) Cheap Botox.

*****This is an important disclaimer. If you buy me anything that is not on my Christmas list, please make sure it has a receipt with it just in case I have to return it since it is not of my taste or style. THIS ESPECIALLY APPLIES TO CLOTHES BOUGHT AT BEALLS. Here is an example of what I am talking about. If you give me water from the Fountain of Youth, make sure it comes with a receipt. ******

Thank you all for you generosity. Believe in miracles. Peace and love.

Andy