Kids Say The Darndest Things...Especially With A Language Barrier!

A record of my personal experiences as a native English teacher in South Korea.

During my first week at a Korean elementary school, I was showered with immediate love and adoration.

I had to pretend that I can't speak Korean but lots of students looked at me suspiciously and remarked on how amazingly "Korean" I look. (Sorry for lying to you guys for the last 8 months...)

Some highlights include:

1) Being told I am beautiful and pretty throughout the day - honestly a true ego booster

2) Having students guess how old I am and being told a range between 28 to 42. And having no one believe me when I told them I'm 23...

3) Told the students I live next to Obama and they took it literally. So I just played along and told them I'll get them a picture and signature if they behave.

A month into my teachings, it was my birthday.

And even though I'm pretty sure I've only mentioned my birthday only once (when the students asked during my first week), a fourth grader came to me very bashfully and gave me a present!

She drew me a picture, gave me a set of glittery pens, a notebook, and the cutest handwritten letter.

I definitely teared up because of this.

These kids are not shy!

I would be sitting in my office between classes, and children will pop in out of nowhere to show off their new dance routine, demand candy, or touch my hair and stare at me wordlessly.

Here, some fifth graders came in to show off their costumes for a play. I was especially impressed by the very realistic fire breathing prop.

Flipping me the bird...

Via google images

One day, my third graders found a piece of paper on the ground and were scandalized because it was filled with curse words (basically an older student was cussing out another classmate).

The girls were desperately trying to fill me in with the juicy details but I had to pretend that I can't understand Korean so I was giving them "I don't know what you're talking about" shrugs as they were contemplating how to explain "욕" (curse words) in English.

Then, one of my cutest female third grader, in her pigtails and kitten sweater, goes

"Um....teacher....uh....this!!"

And flips me the bird.

Two of them.

Smiling beautifully.

Thanks girls. You really helped me understand.

So helpful.

I would often get small presents, mostly origami or clay sculptures.

Student: "Teacher for you!"

Me: "Oh thank you! What is it?"

Student: "Cake!"

Me: "Oh, yum!" *pretends to put it in my mouth*

Student: "No teacher noooooo!! No! No eat! Die! Die! Teacher die!!"

Sometimes, Engrish fails us all

The cover of a student's English notebook.

And sometimes, it wins.

imgur.com / Via imgur.com

One day in my sixth grade class:

Me: How are you feeling today?

Male student: Teacher, I am very sad!

Me: Why are you sad?

Male student: Because she (points) stole my cock!

Me: Your what!?

Male student: My cock!!

Me: Your what!!????!!!!!

Male student: (confused by my reaction) My badminton cock!!

Me:... Your badminton cock...

Male student: Yes, my badminton shuttlecock.

Me: ....

Male student: ....

Me: .....

Male student: ....

Me: Why, of course, why would I think of anything else?

They baffle you with their knowledge

Via wifflegif.com

5th grade class

Me: in the USA a long time ago, people were afraid of... Of what?

(the answer was witches)

Student: the KKK!!!!!

Me:... Well you're not wrong.....

But honestly, how do these Korean kids know about the KKK...

They surprise you with unexpected kindness

"Grade 3-2 Soyeon, Sohyeon, Yeonwoo, and Hyemin cleaned the classroom!

Don't eraser pleas!"

Ugh. My heart.

They give you the most touching compliments

Via imgur.com

Student: Teacher, you look like a fuck!

Me: What..?

Student: A fuck! A fux!

Me:....A fox....?

Student: Yes, a fux!

Me:... Uh... Thanks?

I occasionally question whether I am cut for this job

Via funnyordie.com

An all time low as an English teacher:

Student: Teacher how do you spell spaghetti?

Me: S-P-H-A-G-E-T-T-I

Another student: ...That is not right teacher

Me: ...........Yes. yes you are right. I have failed you all.

My kids rename me

Hello, my name is Chsthina

And when the new semester rolls around, the new students get to know me better

Via polandcraft.wikia.com

The best conversation I had with the new 3rd graders:

Student: "Teacher, Korean?"

Me: "I am Korean-American."

Student: "Oh! Okay! (in Korean to her friends) She's from Canada."

...what.

Kids will be kids

Via lds.net

In my fourth grade class one day our Story Time was about Snow White.

The children squealed, giggled or boooo'ed the part where the prince kisses Snow White awake.

Soon after, I made them act out the story in front of the class.

The class was screaming at the part where the male student (as the prince) tells the princess "You're so beautiful!" instead of pretending to give her a kiss (I told them they could just high-five each other, but I guess they didn't remember this part)

After the skit ended, I overheard the kids talking to each other very seriously.

Male student: We are too young to kiss yet so I just said you're beautiful. But you know that it's acting right? I was acting like you are beautiful.

Girl: Whatever.

Another student: Yeah, we can only do things like that when we're older. Like...like high school.

Students collectively: Ewwwwww

I have a few more months until the end of my contract, and I will definitely miss these kids.

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Last year third graders giving me some love between classes