Recently, reddit user u/ptrchaos posed a very unique question to the AskReddit community saying, "People who went to the hospital for having something stuck up your butt, what is your story?" And I probably don't have to tell you, but the responses were quite the mix of OMG, LOL, and just plain WOW. Check it out:
1. The vibrating butt plug that not only got stuck but also kept vibrating.
"I was hooking up with this dude one night and he says he has a brand-new vibrating butt plug and wants to know if I want to try it. It’s small so I say yes, because I was trying to see if I liked things being stuck up my ass. I ended up kind of liking it and after we were done, I proceed to pull it out. I can’t find it. I start to panic and hope to god it fell out. I feel for it around me and underneath me. Nope. It’s fucking stuck in my ass vibrating away. I try to pull it out but I just push it in deeper with my fingers. I’m fucking freaking out and ask him to drive me to the hospital. I sit in the chair and wait for my turn while it’s still fucking vibrating in me. The doctor finally pulls it out. It was one of the most embarrassing and humiliating times of my life. I learned that bigger is better when it comes to butt plugs.
"Edit: I saw a lot of people asking how the doctor got it out. I had to pretty much lie on my side as he stuck his fingers in my vagina and he pushed it out that way. It was very very uncomfortable LOL. And yes, I still like things in my ass but I learned my lesson."
2. And this one, too.
"'Our' story is similar enough to this that I won’t really rehash it except to say I was able to get it to turn off (stop vibrating) before leaving for the ER. Though It took a lot longer than it could have because the doctor that they needed (didn’t ask his specialty) was on call and not in the building at that time. When all was said and done, $1,700 lesson learned."
3. The eggplant...thanks to a lost bet.
"Lost a bet, so I had to shove an eggplant in there and hold it in for 30 seconds. Long story short, 30 seconds turned into 9 hours and a bit of surgery. The worst part is, I STILL haven't gotten back my 20 bucks."
4. The catfish...part of it, anyway.
"Not mine, but a cousin. He was fishing with his family and while having some fun he decided to try and jump off the boat and land on a log that was floating near them.
"As you can guess, he fell off the log and landed butt first into the water. At first we thought he was screaming cause the water was chilly and he had just fallen into it. But here's where we get to the BUTT STUFF.
"For those who are unaware, catfish have a couple of hard protrusions on them that will puncture flesh. My cousin landed butt first on said protrusion and got his rectum protruded. After cutting the catfish off of him, leaving the horn in his rear, [his family] drove him to the hospital.
"He had to tell the receptionist that he had a catfish stuck in his butt multiple times because he was too embarrassed to say it louder."
5. The anal beads that broke.
"I hooked up with a random girl after a night out at local dive bar. After a while of fooling around, she put anal beads in me. One by one, nice and slow. Taking them out was the opposite. She tried to start me like a pull-start lawn mower, breaking the string that connected the beads and leaving them up inside of me. I didn’t have to go to the hospital but instead let her dig at my ass for an hour until she was able to get them out. We’re married now."
6. The egg-shaped vibrator that didn't want to come back out.
Didn't go to the hospital, but the first time my dude and I ever put anything more than a finger in my butt (I’m almost 30) was a reasonably small vibrator. It’s called an egg I think, so you can imagine the shape. It had a stupid, flimsy little rubber band–type pull-out cord thing. So after we’re done, I panic because that thing is GONE.
So I’m about to cry and have to squat down and shit this thing out on my bathroom floor while he’s in the shower. I’m shaking as I’m digging up into my butthole trying to grab this slick, round, seemingly endless silicone orb. After about 10 minutes of totally undoing what was just done, I was able to find the little rubber band handle and get that bloody (literal blood) little chicken egg out of me.
7. The seesaw of nightmares.
"This probably doesn't meet your expectation for a 'stuck up your butt' story, but...
When I was 10, me and a friend were playing seesaw on a large piece of unfinished lumber. We decided it would be fun to jump onto one side from a low hanging tree limb, which would subsequently launch the other person into outer space. When it was my turn to be launched, I slipped, and instead of flying off, I got thwapped in the nuts and six inches (of a splinter) up my ass.
Worst emergency room visit ever.
8. The dog toy that probably should've remained just that.
"I was on a fairly long contract in a country where most sex toys are illegal/banned. That led my partner and me to get creative. We enjoy all sorts of kinky activity, pegging among them. One of our DIY toys was fashioned from a large, softish silicone dog toy that had ribbing/little smooth knobs on it; it was actually a lot of fun to use until...
"One evening of quite inebriated play and some rather vigorous activity from the Mrs. led to the harness coming loose — though there was a ‘base’ on the toy; it was soft and the whole thing was pulled up into my butt. No problem. Just push it out, right? Nope, the damn thing ascended and because it was soft managed to take a hard left and lodge itself in the transverse part of plumbing.
After about a day of trying different approaches to getting it out, I had to ring a proctologist at a local hospital and ask some uncomfortable questions about whether there would be any official trouble if I came into the hospital with something needing to be removed. He assured me there was no problem.
Quick prep for outpatient surgery; they put me under general anesthesia and apparently it was quite easy to remove once my body was completely relaxed. I woke up a few hours later in recovery and the nurses were all giving me odd looks; but the doctor said everything was great and I should be fine; he did encourage me to be more careful in the future.
"That’s when I noticed something on the foot of the bed next to my leg. They’d bagged the toy in a bright yellow biohazard bag and asked if I wanted it back. That was mortifying. (I declined the souvenir.)
"Insurance wouldn’t cover it — ended up costing about $3,500 — most expensive sex mistake ever."
9. The strap-on that broke, but was NBD.
"Had a strap-on break on us while I was getting pegged. Couldn't get it out. Okay, fine, ER trip with the busted strap-on, explained the situation, doctor goes, 'Thanks for not falling on it,' and got to work. The 'I fell on item X' thing is so silly it's a meme. Own it, and no one's gonna bitch. (Well, I bitched. My playmate was so horrified I needed to go to the ER that she couldn't bear to play with me again.)"
10. The solid steel butt plug that went too far.
"I went to the ER when my large Njoy butt plug went up my butt. Funny thing was, I was certain it just fell out and I'd find it later, so I proceeded to get absolutely riggity-riggity-wrecked by my date for over an hour. Somehow, they didn't notice the solid steel butt plug while inside me and the butt plug got pushed way, way up there. After sex, I decided the butt plug must've fallen out somewhere in the fun, so I'd go to sleep and find it the next day.
"I woke up around 5 a.m. and knew something was very wrong. My partner drove me to the ER. The front desk person nearly spit out their coffee when I casually strolled in and said, 'I'm pretty confident there's a butt plug lost up my anus.' I have no shame about sexy stuff and didn't see the point in making up some bullshit story.
"They took me to some test (ultrasound? X-ray? I can't remember) to see if the butt plug was up there. The image came back clear as day. Here's my butt plug.
They put me under and removed it. No issues.
"I retrieved that butt plug from pathology a week or two later (Njoy plugs are not cheap) and plan to put in a shadow box the retired butt plug with my x-ray photo. I now only use the XL Njoy butt plug.
"All in all, a good time. Would do again."
11. And finally, the scaffolding that "literally tore a new one."
"My FIL has worked in commercial construction for 40 years or so. He said that his crew was putting acoustical ceilings in a building and break time rolled around. He went to climb off the end of the scaffold they were working on. He turned around backward, put his hands on the scaffold, and kinda “vaulted” himself off the scaffold backward.
There was a piece of 1-inch conduit sticking out of the ground about 36–40 inches where the electricians hadn’t cut it off. He landed on it. It went up his ass around 8–9 inches deep and they all ran over and helped pull him off of it. He almost died but somehow made it. They rushed him to emergency surgery and stitched his asshole back together. He literally got torn a new one.