1.
introverted reporters be like
2.
"The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what? "Bond Name's the james" Are you alright? "Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"
3.
All I have are negative thoughts 🤡
4.
BELLE: There goes the baker with his tray like always BAKER: well there goes Belle, singing her DAILY MEAN SONG about us
5.
*on Ellen* ELLEN: so i hear u tweet about wanting to die ME: haha yeah, i do *Death comes out, creeps up behind me* ME: omg ellen you didnt
6.
Hey it's your uber driver am outside
7.
not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information
8.
How come when a house is 'haunted' its always a ghost from the 1700s? imagine a ghost from 2007 screaming "ITS BRITNEY BITCH" at 3 am.
9.
[My Wedding] Me: I do Guests: Awww Me: Or do I? Guests: Ooooo
10.
My coworkers in an open-concept office every four minutes
11.
me at 6 y/o: bilingual, genius iq, mentally healthy, able to do math me at 18 y/o: illiterate, health is nonexistent, and needs a calculator to solve 6+8
12.
Me, forcing myself to save money and cook instead of eating out
13.
Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted "yes girl remix!!"
14.
Welcome, weary traveler, to my SHOP. How may I assist you? > BUY > SELL
15.
"Anybody here named Jeff?" Jeff: "Yes" Geoff: "Yeos"
16.
This video cassette I found at my grandmas house still makes me laugh so much
17.
This is sending me