Before we get crazy here, let me just warn you that this post 100% contains spoilers for the next couple of episodes of Game of Thrones. So, if you want to go into it as knowledgeless as Jon Snow...
Great, now let's continue with the HYPE.
Comic-Con is currently in full swing, which is good news for Thrones fans because HBO just released a brand new preview for Season 7 there. And you can watch it here:
View this video on YouTube
The new trailer covers all the shit that's going to go down in Episode 2, “Stormborn” and Episode 3, “The Queen’s Justice.” Some of this is stuff we've seen in the preview for this week's episode, but some of it is new, too!
So, let's break it down, shall we?
1. Okay, so the first part of the trailer is pretty tame. We get a reminder that Daenerys has arrived in Dragonstone and is ready to kick some ass.
Dany: "I was BORN to rule the Seven Kingdoms. And I will."
2. But then we see Samwell Tarly's jerk father pay homage to Cersei in King's Landing.
Cersei: "The Mad King's daughter will destroy the realm. We must stand together if we hope to stop her."
3. We also get our first look at the ~new~ Dickon Tarly, who has been recast this season. He's now being played by Black Sails star Tom Hopper.
Last season, Freddie Stroma of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince fame played Samwell's brother.
4. Then there's a shot of a very LARGE Lannister army.
Ominous.
5. Some not-so-stellar archery by the folks at Winterfell.
Maybe the ladies of Bear Island can show 'em how to get it done!
6. And Jon Snow explaining the obvious: "We can't defeat the Night King's army on our own. Daenerys has dragonfire."
But what will you give her in return, Jon? Hmmmm???
7. As well as Lord Yohn Royce being a total party pooper: "A Targaryen cannot be trusted."
Boo. Hiss.
8. Littlefinger, meanwhile, is lurking in the shadows and probably thinking, I LOVE IT when people disagree with Jon Snow.
If only his mustache was longer so he could twirl it.
9. Ser Davos then recites a line we've heard before: "If we don't band together, we will die."
"Live together, die alone." Oh, WRONG SHOW!
10. Although this trailer sure makes it look like he's addressing Sansa at this point.
Either way, she looks concerned.
11. Here we have Dany sitting on the throne at Dragonstone with a Dothraki soldier at her side.
It's a cool throne, but it's no Iron Throne.
12. Then, OH WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? Euron "Hot Topic" Greyjoy kneeling by Cersei's side!
Did he return with his "gift" already?!?!
13. Lyanna Mormont keeping it real: "Winter is here, your grace."
Maybe Jon Snow should just let Lyanna take over.
14. Then a close-up shot of a sword/dagger, which MAYBE belongs to Grey Worm...
IDK, what do you think?
15. ...because the next thing we see is the Unsullied storming a castle — probably Casterly Rock based on the Lannister's sigil (plus the architecture doesn't seem to match the Red Keep).
Sorry, redshirt.
16. Finally, Jon chokes out Littlefinger.
"I kissed Sansa..."
17. Euron parades through King's Landing, showing off those two good hands.
And his new hairdo.
18. Meanwhile, Jaime continues to use his ONE good hand on Cersei.
Does he keep the gold one on when they have sex???
19. Then we get a reminder that THIS is finally going to happen.
Bout effing time.
20. We see Theon and Yara looking at what are probably ships on fire during the sea battle.
Or a castle on fire?!
21. Arya like, "Fuck is that Ed Sheeran...again?!"
JK, it's probably Nymeria.
22. Then what could MAYBE be Ser Davos (or Brienne?) being escorted up that treacherous path to Dragonstone.
I mean, it looks like someone tall with silver/light-colored hair!
23. Littlefinger telling Sansa, "Every possible series of events is happening, all at once."
Which is also what we're all thinking.
24. Tyrion brooding...
"Maybe we should install a fence here."
25. ...Daenerys brooding (with a very fabulous new brooch, might I add).
"I will not be the Mad Queen, I will not be the Mad Queen..."
26. Jaime getting back to work post-coitus.
Nothing like sex with your sister to get your energy levels up! (Vomit.)
27. An unfortunate turn of events for some Unsullied.
Damn.
28. DROGON.
YESSSS.
29. An Unsullied (probably Grey Worm) with what is maybe that sword we saw earlier in the trailer.
Is there some importance here?
30. Yara and Ellaria Sand forming a hot new alliance.
HERE. FOR. THIS.
31. Ser Jorah, NOT totally overtaken with Greyscale...yet.
OMG, there's hope!!!
32. And finally, Melisandre at Dragonstone telling Daenerys, "I believe you have a role to play...as does another."
Does she mean the Lord of Light or Jon?!
