15 Olympic Sports Any Twentysomthing Could Totally Win

Where’s the award for consecutive hours of Netflix watched?

1. Speed hating

When you instinctively hate someone from a cursory glace. The colder the eyes, the golder the prize.

2. Synchronized selfies

All submissions must be strictly #NoFilter.

3. Curling

Fox / Via giphy.com

4. Netflix half marathon

20th Century Fox / Via crushabledotcom.tumblr.com

A thirteen hour event with disciplines in Scandal, House of Cards, and Doctor Who.

5. Cryathalon


Common sponsors include Adele, your period, and the first ten minutes of Up.

6. Fryathalon

In a plot twist, you only compete with team USA members.

7. Pieathalon

Where you must eat an entire large single topping pizza in 30 minutes or less.

8. And while we’re on the subject of pizza… pie-kwon-dough

NBC / Via thefrisky.com

The Korean matrial art that tests determination, agility, and stomach elasticity.

9. Speed stalking

Where an attractive stranger is introduced and the first one to find out the name of his favorite movie, ex-girlfriend, and first grade teacher wins.

10. Filter skating

Athletes compete to transform a picture of Vladimir Putin into a hipster masterpiece of filtered art.

11. Pro Crastination

Which won’t actually be taking place until the next Olympics.

12. Luge lounging

Universal Pictures / Via wifflegif.com

Lying still on a couch while navigating the plot twists and turns of Law and Order: SVU.

13. Drunk diving

Involuntarily climbing up on and eventually falling off of raised surfaces while intoxicated.

14. Job sledding

NBC / Via gifatron.com

Beginning work atop a mountain of high hopes before quickly spiraling down a mountain of procrastination.

15. BMX: which, of course, stands for Britney, Madonna, X-tina


Contestants channel their inner diva and let the baddest bitch win.

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