19 Ways To Piss Off A Cornish Person

Try any of the following things - they all work!

1. Imitate their accent.

keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk / Via corncott.com

Imitation is not always the sincerest form of flattery, even if you can pull it off. Don't try to speak Cornish... or do the accent. Or pirate. Actually pirate might be OK as long as you're drinking cider and/or rum as per point 6.

2. Just be a total asshole

Via nashville.com

A lot of people treat Cornwall as if it's a theme park and the Cornish people employed to guide them around it. The fact that Cornwall is mostly reliant on its thriving tourist industry and that Cornish people are really friendly and welcoming does not mean that everyone in Cornwall is beholden to you. And if you behave like a tool they will rapidly stop being pleased to see you!

3. Say “Devon and Cornwall”

© BBC / Via bbc.co.uk

D&C is a constabulary (police force) and nothing else – the Cornish regard Devon as that pointless no-man's-land between Cornwall and England.

4. Suggest that Ginsters make the best pasties

Ginsters / Via campaignlive.co.uk

Hell, just say Ginsters make pasties at all! Cornish folk consider pasties to be the food of the gods, but the sort Ginsters make for supermarkets and service stations somewhat less so.

5. Tell them you've just heard that pasties were in fact invented in Devon

© Cornish Traditional Cottages / Via corncott.com

Or Norfolk... or Rome!

6. Say you'd like to try a “local ale”

Kyrien - Fotolia Stephan Stockinger / Via corncott.com

... and then order a pint of Doom Bar. There is nothing wrong with Doom Bar, it's lovely, but it is available all over the UK and beyond. Try something you only find in Cornwall. Many Cornish folks drink cider. Or rum, as mentioned above.

7. Imply that Cornish people are inbred

Via therakeandherald.tv

Actually there's a lot of evidence of diverse Mediterranean traits in the Cornish population, which are often attributed to Romans (wrongly because the Romans never crossed the Tamar) or the survivors of the Spanish Armada, or the sacking of Paul and Mousehole in the late 16th century. But it's more likely that both Cornish and Welsh Celts were originally descended from Iberian migrants who first colonised these areas thousands of years before the Romans came.

8. Refute their "Incomer Blame Hypothesis"

Apex / Via dailymail.co.uk

Point out that actually young people have never been able to afford their own homes in Cornwall, even before the "incomers" came and sent the house prices skyrocketing. In fact, remind them that it was Cornish people who sold the house for an inflated price and then scarpered with the loot. The higher price that their parents and grandparents houses now command mean that young Cornish people will inherit more money. This argument flies in the face of the deepseated Cornish belief that they are hard done by and everything is the fault of the English.

9. Insult their surf/surfing

© Mick Short / Via surf.co.nz

Opine that being Cornish does not make you intrinsically good at surfing. In fact, for maximum effect say everyone who is actually any good at it moves to Indo.

10. Non-existent surf etiquette

Kirby Fukunaga / Via go-naminori.com

Go surfing yourself without making any attempt to understand the etiquette that exists at all Cornish beaches, and catch every wave you can irrespective of who's already on it.

11. Get naked/get sunburn

unknown / Via veryfunnypics.eu

Use any sign of the sun shining as an opportunity to take your shirt off in public, displaying both that you are doughy and physiologically incapable of getting a sun-tan.

12. And be macho about it...

Via dumpaday.com

Respond to any suggestion that you should cover up to prevent pain or skin cancer with the assertion that you tan really easily and will no doubt be tanned tomorrow.

13. Ask everyone what time high tide is...

Via watersportswarehouse.co.uk

The tide comes in and out twice a day. It is blatantly obvious where the low and high tide marks are and which way it's going. Apps are available, or a book of tide times will set you back as little as £1.40 and support local charities. You figure it out!

14. Question St. Piran

Cornish Traditional Cottages / Via corncott.com

Remind them that St. Piran, patron saint of Cornwall and beloved of Cornish folk even if they aren't Christians, was probably Irish.

15. Drive a Chelsea tractor

standard.co.uk / Via standard.co.uk

Turn up in a Range Rover (or any other variety of Chelsea tractor) and make sure you have no idea how wide it is or how to reverse it!

16. Diss the traffic

Alamy / Via telegraph.co.uk

Complain that everywhere you go the traffic is too slow, too congested, or held up by sheep, cows or horses. You have come to the countryside to enjoy countryside stuff, which occasionally likes to cross the road! It’s considerably nicer than being on the Tube or stuck in commuter traffic.

17. Spend your money outside the county

Reuters / Via telegraph.co.uk

Tell them you'd rather shop at Waitrose before you travel to Cornwall than in the local village shop. Village shops usually have quality local produce and a good selection at that!

18. Diss pagans

Boscastle Witchcraft Museum / Via corncott.com

Assure them that paganism is not an actual religion. Everyone in Cornwall knows someone who knows someone whose Mum is a pagan.

19. English China Clay

Rod Allday / Via geograph.org.uk

Wtf is that about? It started in St Austell - why isn't it Cornish China Clay?