It's hard to admit to sympathising for the other man or woman, because it's almost like you're saying "I agree with affairs and cheaters!" I don't, but I also don't think in such black and white terms as a lot of people do. They think that anyone who cheats, or is having a relationship with someone who is not single, is pure evil. That's not the case, at all.
When you were younger, I bet you had countless crushes on people who were not single. You knew they were dating someone else, but that didn't stop you from writing their name all over your notebooks, and bitching about their partner to your friends. You dreamed that one day, they'd split up with their partner and you'd finally get you chance to be with them. Your crush was all-consuming. You were obsessed, and anything that stood in your way of having them would make you feel as if your world was caving in. Just because you're older now, doesn't mean that everything has changed. Sure, you are likely to be a lot more sensible and realistic, but if you met someone and developed feelings, you'd find it incredibly hard to stop. It's not something that is within your control. Even if you try to stop it, the heart wants what the heart wants, and you'd soon find yourself thinking about them again. Attraction is based on biology. You are drawn to a person because there's something about their face, their smell. Of course you must look deeper into a person to know how deep your attraction to them will go, but once you're caught up in a crush, it's hard to escape.
It's understandable that people are mad at the other men and women. They're stealing human beings who are already owned by someone else. But are they? Think about it. Yes, the cheater has a previous commitment to someone else, but if they are allowing themselves to cheat, how emotionally invested are they in their relationship? What is causing them to do something that will cause them so much stress and anxiety? They are clearly not happy where they are, and have found that missing happiness in the arms of another. Is it the other woman's fault that this man is attracted to her? Of course not. It's biology! She can't help her feelings no more than she can fight the urge to breathe. The cheating husband is allowing her to act on her emotions, so if you had to blame someone, surely he would be the first choice.
I'm not saying it's right to get involved with someone else's spouse. I know it's morally wrong, but I also know that walking away from someone you love is not only difficult, but incredibly painful. Somehow, staying in a situation where you never really know where you stand is easier than cutting that person out of your life. If you endure the endless wait, your reward could be love, and there's no better reward than that. So we stay.
Contrary to the image that is portrayed in films and television that the other woman is some stocking-wearing, sultry seductress, most other women are nice, normal people. They started a new job, with no intention of meeting a new partner, but happened to catch eyes with a man at the photocopier. They introduced themselves and chatted a while. Somewhere between then and now, they became close. They started to look forward to going in to work because they enjoyed each other's company so much. Eventually, that closeness became an affectionate friendship. They hugged after a work party, and felt a spark that they knew they simply had to feel again. So they sat closer to each other at lunch, "accidentally" brushed against each other in the corridor, and then one day, they let a casual touch linger a little too long. They felt so comfortable around each other, and held each other in such high regard that they barely even noticed how far things were going. One day, they kissed. The tension, not just sexual, but romantic, became too much and they couldn't fight it any more. She was just a normal girl, but now she finds herself embroiled in an affair, and she is too in love to back out.
Yes, I know that paragraph would be hard to read, especially if you have been unfortunate enough to be cheated on, but that's how it works. Two people met and got on to such a degree that they became more than friends. I can guarantee that they both were riddled with guilt the whole time. Neither of them wanted to hurt you. Both of them sincerely wished that it could have been different, but once it started, that was it. There was no way out that wouldn't have torn them both limb from limb. It was them or you, and it's easier to hurt others than to hurt yourself. Even the most selfless people would admit to that, if they were really put on the spot.
I won't talk much more. I can already sense the keyboard warriors limbering up to throw insults at me for airing my thoughts in such a public setting. I made a video, illustrating what it's like to love someone who belongs to someone else. I hope it clears things up a little for anyone who still views other men and women as soulless villains. I'm not expecting you to start rooting for the mistresses, but just to consider that they too have feelings and emotions, and they certainly aren't finding the situation easy.
The Others - a film about people like you
View this video on YouTube
A short film from the perspective of "the others". It's not easy to stop loving someone, even if you should.
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