1. From a workplace notepad.
2. Break a leg, we don’t give a crap.
3. Yes, of course we have an “E.R.” in our “hospital.”
4. You know what — I’m just going to go shit somewhere else.
5. Fake IDs only, please.
7. “Mr. No One Else, please report to the staff room.”
8. …what you call “Valuables,” you poor, poor person.
9. Well, at least “Hi” is correct.
10. That’s really one word I NEVER want to see in quotes.
11. Gun store mocks self, LOL.
- Donald Trump said that his comments about Sweden were referring to a Fox News segment, not an actual incident in the country 🇸🇪🙃
- The CEO of Uber is investigating sexism and sexual harassment claims after a former employee said her reports were ignored.
- Geologists say they've discovered an eighth continent beneath New Zealand. "Zealandia" is 94% submerged underwater 🔎🌍
- The US ambassador to Somalia gave the country's new president a "Make Somalia Great Again" hat and the exchange was ~confusing~.