Riiight. Captain Highpants would rather continuing mowing the lawn than go back to Trixie’s house for a hot three-way (with bisexual Betty).
Also: That mower is cutting about a four-foot swath of grass, not “21”.”
- The Women's March on Washington was one of the largest protests in the city's history.
- Trump's spokesman held a press conference to blame grass coverings for "minimizing" the crowd at the inauguration 🤔
- Members of the national security community reacted with shock after Trump attacked his critics while giving a speech at CIA headquarters.
- "SNL" featured a shirtless Vladimir Putin celebrating America's newest President.