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Robert Pattinson Stinks Up The Screen For Dior

Finally, a love story worse than Twilight.

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This Dior Homme "Unceonsored" video ad has, as of this posting, 3.5 million views in less than three days.

And the reviews have been glowing:

ABC News — "steamy"

USA Today — "sexy"

Huffington Post — "well worth the wait"

MTV — "hot"

Here's my review words: "staggeringly unoriginal" "stultifyingly boring"

It looks and feels exactly like a hundred black & white fashion "film" ads I've seen in the last ten years, one recent example: Calvin Klein's Rooney Mara ad.

The Dior video, which co-stars French model Camille Rowe, is directed by Romain Gavras, the son of a great movie maker.

That's just the beginning of the cliche parade.

1. Yeah baby, Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love."

2. On the roof of a cheap hotel, for no reason. He's just a "rebel."

3. In a bathtub with his clothes on. edgy.

4. Making out in an elevator. He's dangerous.

5. Crashing a hoity-toity conservative party, and receiving withering glances of disapproval.

6. Running on cheap hotel's rooftop for no reason = "rebel"

7. Driving sports car (vintage BMW) on beach.

8. On another roof, this time in the city, again for no reason. INTROSPECTIVE "rebel."

9. Jumping into pool, again with clothes on. 'My perfectly-fitting designer clothes mean nothing to me because I'm a victim of consumerism.'

10. I am, like, so disaffected, disconnected, discombobulated, discontented...

11. I am R Patzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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