20 Other Bushes That Could Run For President

Dynasties aren’t just for ducks anymore.

The American people have spoken

But, what variety can survive the perennial pruning of a modern presidential campaign?

1. Juniper has some residency requirements to work out.

2. Myrtle looks good on paper but with three kids in high school, now’s not the time.

3. Brushholly looked good once, but district was re-drawn and lost to a retired opthamologist last cycle.

4. Mountain Laurel wrote a paper in college titled “Social Security is Stupid.”

5. Dogwood is an “experience” candidate in a “change” election, also hates children.

6. Hydrangea had a young family Nanny who is now in Europe indefinitely.

7. Broom shrub has a cellphone camera and no clue about privacy settings.

8. Ledum would face extradition on manslaughter charges in all but 7 world nations.

9. Silk Tassel once compared the Girl Scouts to the Khmer Rouge.

10. Spicebush has given $250,000 in campaign money to his Second Life mistress.

11. Taxus Baccata’s real name is actually Taxus? It’s like the radio ads just wrote themselves.

12. Chilean Firebush voted to ban Winnie The Pooh and Archie while on a local school board.

13. Weigela won’t stop engaging in Twitter battles with Donald Trump.

14. Stephanandra accidentally outsourced his Grandmother while in the private sector.

15. Fringe Tree thinks the government caused Hurricane Katrina, most bad weather.

16. Jojoba has never once got the name of any local sports hero correct.

17. Photinia knowlingly outsourced his Grandmother while in the private sector.

18. Fabiana has a strong opinion about Lena Dunham.

19. Heather was convicted of insider trading and still lost $150,000 in the market.

20. Milkwort insists staff print out emails and fax them to his house.

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