Why You Will Never Want To Swim In A Pool Again

Pools just shouldn’t exist.

1. This may seem like a good idea, but it’s not.

2. Because the average person enters the pool covered in 0.14 grams of fecal matter.

3. Which means…

4. Or, essentially, a tablespoon of poop per pool.

5. OR, with about 162,000 people frequenting the 19 public pools in DC in one average summer…

6. There’d be a total of 50 lbs of poop combined — the equivalent of an English bull dog.

One sad English bull dog made of poop.

7. Add this to the fact that 1 in 5 adults ADMIT to peeing every time they’re in a pool!

8. So, with 17.4% of adults in the U.S. attending pools yearly, that is 44,096 gallons of urine—or about 882 bathtubs full of pee.

Aye, yi yi!

9. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM considering that urine contains nitrogen which destroys chlorine.

And pee burns your eyes just as much as chlorine so this is a lose/lose.

10. So now you’re just swimming around with a bunch of parasites like E. Coli and the Norovirus and Shigella.

These all come from poop, of course

11. Which means you’re SCREWED if Hepatits A is in the pool because it takes 16 minutes for chlorine to kill.

12. And you’re REALLY screwed if Cryptosporidium is in the pool because it takes 11 days for chlorine to kill—which is now hardly effective with all the pee in the water.

This is the lifecycle of your next explosive bowel movement.

13. And with 25% of the 27,783,889 reported women who attend pools yearly menstruating…

14. …That’s 4,862,180 tampons a year going in and out of pools.

15. So take a big gulp of that tampon water, but be sure to spit it out.


16. Because you could be getting a mouthful of chlorine-resistent white water mold.

17. Which looks a lot like snot — not to be confused with actual snot which is EVERYWHERE in pools.

Pool water gets in your sinuses causing you to produce more phlegm—eating the phlegm is optional. See above.

18. And snot mixed with sweat, hair, and all the other nasties reacts with chlorine to create disinfection byproducts which are 10,000x more toxic than chlorine itself.

19. With 10 million public pools in the U.S. that’s a lot of disinfection byproducts floating in the air, giving people asthma.

20. But it’s not just your lungs that DBPs effect…


21. …The toxins in pools can damage your immune, renal, nervous, and cardiovascular systems.

22. So while you’re super eager for spring break so you can jump in the pool…

23. Just consider getting in after this guy.

24. Or this guy.

25. Or this little guy!

Fact: Possums always pee in the pool.

26. Because pools are the worst place on Earth.

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