Lord of the Rings is an epic fantasy series that is so detailed that universities hold courses exploring the lore and language. It is one of the world's best-loved stories, and one based on the author's own highly detailed imaginary world (paracosm). As a teen, J R R Tolkein spent time inventing his own languages, and went on the use them as the basis for his novels. Similarly, CS Lewis went to his imaginary world of 'Animal Land', from which Narnia was later created.
The story in my head rarely changes in scenario. It isn't like wishful thinking of what I would rather be doing or how I could have dealt with a situation in the past. It is just a very complex story that, if written down, would quite proably take up the same number of pages that the Harry Potter series was made up of. I can produce family trees about them that confuse anyone brave enough to want to find out more, as well as calendars and maps of some of the more imaginative places. Sensations experienced when I'm in my fantasy can be very real, such as smelling blood or feeling cold or my arm being pinched. Very occasionally I will hallucinate random sensations like these when I'm back in the real world. I have to say, seeing shadow next you when you are alone in the house is not a pleasant experience.
It started as wishful thinking about being my favourite cartoon character, and slowly turned into something that I've been told that I could turn into a novel series.
When I daydreamed as a child, there was a process that I put myself through so that I could experience those fantasies in a stronger way. I cannot remember the exact process, but I do know that at one point my giant teddy bear becoming a real bear that was cuddling me. That may seem like a typical experience to many others, but it does show how easy it is for a child to fall into the trap of too much daydreaming. I lacked the attention span in nursery school and had my parents called in to talk about it with my teachers. That was when I learnt to hide it. Nowadays people only know about that part of me if I choose to tell them, or if I accidently laugh out of the blue or my lips move as I make conversation in my head.
Nearly everyone will 'zone out' in the middle of a very boring business meeting. Most people will zone out when they are subjected to their mother in law rambling on for the thousandth time about taking better care of yourself or cooking your partner's favourite meal 'just how they like it'. Some people will zone out when a customer verbally attacks them about something that isn't their fault. Being an FPP, the biggest tell-tale sign is depersonalisation. This is when the person either goes into a daydream (imagining that they are someplace else), or freezes completely and experiences next to nothing. That last one is a little difficult to explain, but the best analogy that I can think of is when a computer shuts down; the body is still there, but the 'brain' thinks nothing. Senses are also muted and everything fades into the background.
Many victims of abuse use depersonalisation as a coping mechanism whilst going through the trauma or being in a situation that forces them to remember it (such as talking about it, or seeing the person responsible on the street). This is the reason that it can sometimes be difficult for the person to recall the events (particularly in instances of repeated abuse, where they automatically shut off and are not experiencing it fully). Being an FPP can also be brought on by being isolated or feeling an intense amount of loneliness as a child.
When the imagination is so powerful, some people can get a little blasphemous. It would be easy for someone with this disorder to have a higher sense of confidence, which is to say some believe they can actually use magic (and, with a little push, experience delusions of being God-like). This can be dangerous, as the person might believe themselves to be untouchable, and therefore do not experience the same defence mechanisms that the healthy person does when exposed to a dangerous situation. For others, they may believe that they have magical healing powers, or that they can talk to spirits. In this way, they can provide comfort to those around them who believe that they really do have the ability to fix their luck or health problems. I myself am a religious person, but I am aware that those voices in my head may not actually be God or my dead relatives. It has also made me humble enough to not believe that I have been given fantastic powers over the weather (mostly).
This is characterised as ''A fantasy prone person is reported to spend a large portion of their time fantasizing, have vividly intense fantasies, have paranormal experiences, and have intense religious experiences. People with FPP are reported to spend over half of their time awake fantasizing or daydreaming and will often confuse or mix their fantasies with their real memories. They also report out-of-body experiences'' (from The Creative Experiences Questionnaire (CEQ)).
Memory is affected, either by confusing reality with the daydreams or by 'zoning out' whilst the certain event was taking place. Everyday life also tends to be a bit foggy, like the real world is also a daydream. Because your brain is in two places at the same time, you can't take the information in as well as someone who was fully engaged or aware of the world around them. From my own experiences I would also go as far as saying that empathy is also affected. I will be genuinely concerned about a friend's dating woes, but I can only understand it on a logical level. So much of my life has been about playing a part (in this case, my other identity, or 'avatar') that I can come across as being manipulative and my actions rehearsed.
One of the strangest symptoms is forgetting who you are. This is called 'derealization'. I can be anywhere, when I suddenly become very aware of my surroundings and go into what can best be described as 'hyper reality'. It becomes almost unbearably strange when I realise that I am not seeing the world from a third person perspective, and all of my sense are heightened. My brain will suddenly forget where I am, who I am, and what I am currently doing. These moments usually last for a few seconds, and have no definite trigger. It doesn't affect me too much, but I have a relative who also gets this symptom (from another illness). She is unable to drive because when she has those moments, they last longer than mine and can be dangerous.
Concerning dating, that is maybe the worst part. Let's say that your fantasy husband is Thor. The story is very elaborate- maybe you met when he caught you as you plunged off the top of a building (you are, of course, a secret agent). You have a young son, and live in a cottage in the middle of Rivendell. This makes you feel safe and loved in a way that you haven't before. In real life, you either have to be alone or try and find someone who can make you feel those same things. Unfortunately, unless he looks exactly like Chris Hemsworth and speaks in an archaic way you will not feel that spark and you will always feel like something is missing from your life. For myself, my previous relationship really was a stroke of luck. My boyfriend looked like my fantasy husband, and was accepting of my brand of crazy. However, it is easy to use that person in place of your daydreams if you are not careful. I was thankfully all too aware of the pitfalls that I could fall into, but I can see how others could make the mistake.
I'm a model who also does cosplay. Nearly every time that I have had a shoot involving one specific character I am complimented by a very amazed photographer on how well I play portray her. What I'm actually doing is a very good form of method acting where I truly believe that I am that person. I have built up a good reputation as being that character, and the only thing that I have to worry about is making sure not to scare the general public if the shoot is outside of the studio.
I don't technically suffer from this condition because it isn't a problem. Diagnoses tend to come about if the patient has difficulties in coping, and since I am coping I don't put it down as a disability or illness. I acknowledge that it is a mental condition brought about by a troubled childhood, but it doesn't cause me any grief or impede on my quality of life.
Or perhaps it does? I honestly don't know the answer to that. Because I have had the condition since early childhood I don't know any different. I was told by one of my therapist's that they could 'fix' my problem, and asked if I would like to go ahead with some treatment. I'm quite the level headed girl normally, but this suggestion caused me to get very angry and panicked. I started to shout at them in the same way and tone that my 5-year-old self would complain about bedtime, and I nearly broke down in tears. This shocked both me and the therapist. Was I really that far down the rabbit hole?
I can function to a socially acceptable level. I shower, have breakfast, do a full day of work, and then come home to watch Netflix with my dog. At work, as long as I have a task to focus on (or bury myself in, which seems more appropriate). However, I have to go into my internal world at least at the end of the day. In the past where I have had to stay grounded for over a period of a few days, I become irritable and depressed. Call it a coping mechanism for dealing with life, but I have to stay connected and constantly add to my story. This is why my friends know not to honk their car horn at me when they pass me in the street- I'm just not there. I've had to cover it up with the half-truth of 'being away with the fairies', and people now think that I'm just ditzy (and perhaps in danger when I'm walking across the road). This is not true. I am aware of my surroundings in a muscle memory kind of way and know when there is something that I could bump into.
I do wish that I could see the world as vibrantly as those around me do, but at the same time I would prefer it if my pet alligator was in my life.
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