Here's Why Accurate Asexual Representation Is So Important

"Hearing 'You just haven’t had the right sex' brought me right back to a horrible date experience."

For 25 years of my life, I thought my vagina was broken.

Instagram: @click4caroline

Turns out I was just asexual, AKA somebody who experiences little to no sexual attraction. Some also experience a repulsion around sexual activity or the mention of it. 

No matter what I did or tried, no human or anime character could turn me on.

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When I turned 25, I found out that this was completely normal, and a sexuality that accounts for 1% of the global population. Asexuality is a relatively new term. It was originally used as a scientific term for a plant species that didn’t reproduce. 

People have only just started to use it in the last decade to explain a person’s lack of sexual attraction.

Instagram: @click4caroline

But when you look back throughout history, many people showed signs of being asexual. Marilyn Monroe, Emily Brontë, Sir Isaac Newton, and Nikola Tesla to name a few. 

For the longest time, I didn’t even know sexual attraction existed. I thought sex was cut-and-dry — purely for pleasure. I had absolutely no idea that people felt urges.

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To get technical, I identify as demi-gray. This is one of the many different identifiers on the asexual spectrum and basically means I very rarely experience sexual attraction, and only for people I feel comfortable and safe around. 

My ex-therapist believed it was related to some sort of sexual trauma. Deep, disappointing sighs all around. I had always felt uncomfortable and repulsed surrounding the nature of sex, human anatomy and physical touch.

ABC

It was frustrating to hear those words from a medical professional. I like to joke around and call being ‘ace’ my body’s own natural defence mechanism. A superpower if you will — one that detects narcissists and bullshitters. 

I almost wish growing up that myself and other ace-specs had the word for it, though. Or at least had central figures that we could have looked to and seen parts of ourselves in.

CBS

This year, we’ve had some representation on the big screen — even though most of it is either not canonical, not accurate or just used as a plot device — or for diversity points. 

One recent example of asexual representation appeared in the Netflix Heartbreak High reboot. Douglas “Ca$h” Piggott, played by Will McDonald, is a central character and one of the very few examples of male asexual representation worldwide.

Netflix

I found myself violently sobbing, watching him struggle to explain his lack of sexual attraction and repulsion — his story and heartaches paralleling mine. Hearing “You just haven’t had the right sex” brought me right back to a horrible date experience. Now that they've announced season 2, I’m excited about it and how the writers approach his coming out — hopefully making it canonical.

As an asexual consultant and filmmaker myself, it’s important that screen practitioners take the time to consult the community they’re trying to represent.

Instagram: @click4caroline

While it may be unintended, many nuances can be lost within the subtext without consultation. I recently consulted on a pilot called Girl Riot created by Bianca K. Nuñez. Being able to not only provide script notes, but also answer questions from genuinely curious actors on set instilled hope for better representation and respect within the industry. 

My end goal is to one day create a TV series with an asexual-identifying lead. And with Asexual Awareness Week coming up real soon (October 22-29), my hope is that studios and film industry professionals start to recognise the urgent need for more accurate representation.

Netflix

Let us know what you would want to see in a TV show with an asexual-identifying lead in the comments!