After the loss of a mother, or any parent, as time passes you learn to live with the pain. However, as Christmas, birthdays and other celebratory moments occur you are filled with this overwhelming feeling that they will no longer be the same and your mind remembers back to the days of when things were better.
One day in particular is Mothers day. A whole day dedicated to the women who gave you life, nurtured you and brought you up to be the person you are today. A day devoted to showing your appreciation and unconditional love now brings dread and pain.
For some it merely acts as a cruel reminder of your permanent loss. A reminder, not only of all the memories you had, but of those you will no longer have.
Although some still celebrate this day in their own way, for others it is too difficult to celebrate a day without the person to whom this day is dedicated for.
For many, including myself, there are so many emotions and struggles to deal with, here are just 5 of those:
1. Hearing others talk about their mother's day plans, the gifts and cards they will buy or the places they will go to celebrate their own mother.
2. People who (in their defence don't know), ask about your own mother's day plans.
3. Scrolling through social media and seeing heart felt posts about how great their mums are
4. Walking awkwardly past the mother's day card section in EVERY store, as it no longer applies to you.
5. What is worse are the times people maybe say they aren't getting their mum a card, "oh I forgot", "I can't afford to get her anything" in that moment all you want is to scream at them for how fortunate they are to still have their mum in their lives and that they are taking what they have for granted.
So, as this day arrives I will continue to feel anger and bitterness about my own loss, I will ignore the junk email stating "perfect gifts for your mum this mother's day", I will spend time with my sister and I will visit my mum and talk to her as if she was here. For those of you who still have a mum to hug, laugh with and love, cherish every moment you are so fortunate. For those without, you are not alone, find ways to see the good and happiness in every occasion, but at the end of the day it sucks, and its ok to have these feelings.