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17 Tips For Living In A Dumpster

A professor shares nuggets of wisdom on living in a used dumpster during a yearlong experiment. Madness ensues.

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1. Shop for your home at the local dump.

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All models come standard with a convertible roof and sliding doors. If vaulted ceilings aren't available, go for a skylight.

2. Hire some hot scientists to test the inside of your new home for pathogens.

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Because your neighborhood pest control doesn't handle e-coli, bubonic plague, and stale Budweiser.

3. Secure your home from being 'serviced': The sound of a garbage truck will haunt you.

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Let's see, which alarm to choose on the iPhone? Crickets, harp, or GARBAGE TRUCK. Wakey, wakey!

4. Pass on the bamboo: opt for carbon-neutral cardboard.

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Because it's recyclable and you can always steal some more from the neighbor's recycling bin.

5. Find a trashy chick: Preferably one that doesn't require a lot of hygiene from her man.

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"Hey honey, you wanna come over to my place tonight? It's a bit trashed."

"Sure, baby. Let me just find my rubber gloves."

6. Save $$$ on water: Haul your drinking water from the local lake.

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After all, hauling water from an Alpine glacier isn't all that efficient — and the local lake is free.

7. Solicit friends and co-workers for air fresheners.

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Invest in GLADE stock because you'll be purchasing in bulk.

8. Do a kitchen makeover: a camp stove, a packet of ramen and a carton you found out of a dumpster will do just fine.

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Pass on the marble countertops.

9. Invest in roofing: because a leak will cost you.

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In Texas, spring showers are less like puddles of playful raindrops and more like torrential thunderstorms that hint at impending apocalypse.

10. Raid other dumpsters for your household appliances.

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That's a mighty fine looking broom. Hogwarts dumpster edition.

11. Use adequate signage lest people toss trash in your house.

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Mom always said to lock the doors when away from home.

12. Make yourself seem 'normal' by breaking out the weirdos.

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Come on, guys. This isn't a performance art piece.

13. Get a lightning iPhone app: Because you don't wanna go out like that.

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Is it advisable to seek shelter in a giant metal box?

14. Live off the land.

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Do those tomatoes look ripe yet?

15. The 'Parade of Homes Neighborhood Home Tour' should be a weekly ordeal.

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Unlike MTV Cribs, this tour is pretty short. Now, get out of my house!

16. Get 'theft' coverage on your entire home.

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Don’t you hate it when you come home from a long day of work only to discover that your house has mysteriously disappeared from the face of the earth? It’s a real bummer.

17. Have 'good clean' fun (most of the time).

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This isn't just a mid-life crisis — living in a space that is 1% the size of the average American home is surprisingly do-able with the right resources. Less is more, my friends — less is more (except when it comes to deodorant).

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