The 10 Types Of Contestant You'll Find On 'MasterChef'

This list is what happens when you're sexually frustrated and against going out on cold nights...

Channel Ten / Via tenplay.com.au

I bloody love 'MasterChef'. Like, I'm all over, amongst, around, above, below and through it.

So, as you can imagine-- after seven seasons-- I've developed quite a sophisticated palate for the show's many flavours. And I'm not talking about the food...

As I see it, there are 10 types of contestant that are cooked up in the 'MasterChef' kitchen and, in celebration of my (sad and anti-social) obsession with Australia's Charlie's Angels; Gary, George and Matt, here's a comprehensive breakdown:

1. The Ambitious One Everybody Likes

There's always that one QT/bae that the whole country's rootin' for from the start. They're ballsy and hard-working, but there's a sincerity about them-- an earthy goodness that can only be found in two places: a) this contestant b) sweet potato chips.

When bae cries, the whole country cries with them. When bae gets pissed off at another contestant, the whole country Tweets that person death threats.

Bae's allowed to slip up and let the team down every now then, 'cause bae has GENUINE dreams. And we all believe in them.

2. The Ambitious One Everybody Hates

THEN... There's the show's anti-Christ (or, should I say anti-Heston). Everything this person does is a bigger flop than 'GoggleBox'. If they fail, they're an a-hole. If they succeed, they're an EVEN BIGGER a-hole because HOW DARE THEY.

If bae hugs them at the end of a Team Challenge, the whole country's like "poor bae".

Even though the entire show revolves around competition, if the anti-Heston demonstrates even the SLIGHTEST amount of belief in the themselves... *sharpens tall poppy clippers*

3. The One Who's Shit, And They Know It

This person never lasts long, but they're always memorable. Like Joey in 'Friends', they're never quite sure what's going on, but they're pretty stoked just to be included.

Whilst everyone else is bursting blood vessels, this person just chugs along, knowing that their chocolate crumb will probably taste like a baboon's arse, but-- somehow-- being totally at peace with it.

At one point, Marco Pierre White pulls them aside for a pep talk about not giving up and rainbows and shit, and that's their crowning moment before being eliminated. Then, right after they leave, Matt leans over to George and says "were we maggot when we chose that guy?"

4. The One Who Sweats Over ER-RY-THANG

To this person, peeling a garlic clove is the most physically exasperating task in the history of EVER. Not only does their face turn into Niagara Falls, but they also shake

uncontrollably, so YOU KNOW aaaaallllllll that sweat's goin' in the food...

5. Swaggy McCruisey

There's always one guy, every season, who accidentally veers off the Calvin Klein catwalk and into the 'MasterChef' kitchen. But he doesn't look lost or confused, because he's Swaggy McCruisey.

This guy breaks almost as many hearts as he does chicken carcasses, whips almost as many shirts off as he does cream, and beats almost as many gym selfie records as he does eggs.

Usually, he has long hair, but it's not gross like Shannon Bennett's, it's a magical, flowing beacon of masculine charm.

6. Mr. Brady

Then, there's the communal dad-figure. So wholesome, gentle, soothing and serene, Mr. Brady's like a human day spa.

He's always the first person every contestant wants to hug after a Team Challenge, and he always gets the most tears when he leaves.

Even as an audience member, quivering on the edge of your seat during a Pressure Test, you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief when good, ol' Mr. Brady comes on screen.

7. The One You Didn't Even Know Existed Until Top Twelve

To be fair to this person, it would take A LOT of effort to put your head down/bum up and torpedo through the competition, without having a tantrum, bitch, breakdown, sassy moment, or unforgettably awful dish.

However, by the time it gets to the Top Twelve, I'm very protective over the group-- they're like good mates I can mute whenever I want. So, suddenly spotting a total random, with whom I have no TV connection, makes me angry! Like Damian in 'Mean Girls', "SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!"

8. The Cat

There's always that one person, with nine lives, who survives ALL. THE. THINGS. They've been through the ring of fire enough times to use the ring of fire as their own, personal hula-hoop. When they're doing regular challenges, they suck harder than the 'Wonderland' writers. But, when it comes to crunch time, they miraculously pull out all the stops and blow everyone away.

The best part is, they're genuinely shocked (and almost a little disappointed) when they manage to scrape through, YET AGAIN.

9. The One Hit Wonder

This is the Rick Astley of the group. The person who only knows how to cook one damn cuisine. The core ingredient's mayonnaise? No problem, I'll make a curry. It's a dessert Mystery Box? No problem, I'll make a curry. This is a nachos challenge, so we ABSOLUTELY HAVE to make nachos? No problem, I'll make a curry.

Then, when the competition's over, you find a line of curry sauces named after them in Woolies, and you just have to stop and slow clap.

10. The One Who Suddenly Gets Good

It's usually a person we all love, but we don't think they can cook for Matt Preston any more than they can throw Matt Preston.

Then, towards the end of the competition, they start to shine*. Whilst everyone else is wilting and short-circuiting, they're BRIMMING with sudden energy and focus! (*I think they've read that hare and tortoise story one too many times...)