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    I'm Sorry, But Camping Is Fucking Horrible

    Nature schmature.

    Hi. Hey. Hello. I won't waste any of your time, so I'm going to come right out and say it: camping sucks.

    I've been camping twice, and each time it was a traumatic* experience. This was literally me the entire time:

    Now, I'm not here to knock anyone who loves camping, because hey, we all have our vice. But when I say camping sucks, I have receipts. Let me break it down for you.

    1. Camping is dirty as fuck.

    2. You literally have zero cell service.

    3. You're basically sleeping on the floor.

    4. And tents are a real bitch to set up.

    5. Your food choices are very, very limited.

    6. Speaking of food, these things just do not cut it.

    7. You smell bad the entire time.

    8. It's almost never as ~luxurious~ as you see on TV.

    9. Hiking is cool, but only after like, five minutes. Then it's actually a workout. And workouts are never fun.

    10. You run the risk of getting seriously lost if you're not paying attention.

    11. You're constantly worried if Jason Voorhees is going to come up to your tent and chop you into smithereens.

    12. And the threat of coyotes, bears, or any other gigantic animal is there, too.

    13. On top of ALL of that, not only are campfires difficult to start, but they can also be incredibly dangerous.

    14. Bugs of all shapes and sizes will be there whether you like it or not and ask, "Where's the party?"

    15. It gets so fucking dark at night you will actually have trouble sleeping.

    16. But hey, at least you won't need an alarm clock because the Sun...

    ...which actually really sucks, because you have no choice but to wake up at the butt crack of dawn.

    So, there you have it. You can thank me in advance the next time you think about going camping.