17 Hilarious And Insane Erotica Stories You Should Be Reading

Amazon is flowing with amazing Erotica books. People from around the globe have unleashed their sexy, disturbing, and hilarious imaginations and it's up to YOU to read them. Here are some of the latest and greatest* erotica books floating around out there. Not including the infamous Dinosaur Erotica because well, those are so awesome they already have their own articles. *Greatest is used very loosely here, much like the heros and heroines in these books

17. I've Fallen and there's a Tentacle in my Butt

amazon.com

Well, who HASN'T fallen and then immediately found a tentacle protruding from their butt? I judge anyone who that hasn't happened to.

"The tentacle escaped from the lab to the outside world. The scientist conducting the experiment rushed out after the tentacle. She knew that if she didn't catch the tentacle before it could find a human host, then it would spawn another creature and the city would be in danger. Will she find the tentacle before it nestles in some unsuspecting person's warm orifice?"

Speaking of tentacles, and assuming you are into tentacles, why not try reading some sizzling hot erotica romance starring the almighty of tentacles...

16. I Did Slender Man At Viking Fest

Via amazon.com

Because Viking Fest is a favorite past time of Slender Man.

"He wrapped his arms around me—his real arms, not the tentacles—and he shot into the air like a rocket. The wind fwooshed behind us as we were pummeling the air so fast I could feel my cheeks dragging from the force—I felt like I was being whisked away by friggin’ Superman, if Superman was better dressed and you know, didn't have a face. "

Screw Clark Kent, I'm pretty sure Slender Man is the one true identity of Superman. It all makes sense when you really think about it.

15. I Slept with Slender Man

Via amazon.com

Wait wait wait... YOU did Slender Man too?

"Virginia is the hottest girl at Killmeister High, but she thinks she’s a plain Jane because all the guys are too intimidated by her naughty bits to ask her to meet them underneath the bleachers. One night, she stumbles across a supernatural creature murdering her classmates…and it’s love at first sight."

Virginia is definitely the type of heroine you root for!

Okay, so, with all these girls throwing themselves at Slender Man, could you just imagine 'The Bachelor' starring Slender Man? The ratings would be raised through the roof with tentacles!

14. Alien Pleasure Ship

Via amazon.com

If you're into alien sex, Amazon has got you covered! A veritable plethroa of hot steamy alien encounters some erotic tales involving tentacles, energy sex, and the super popular-- probe!

"I could feel myself getting very wet with this alien rod shaking inside my pussy."

Whooweee. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Gee, if all aliens have pleasure ship, and they just want to give us humans ultimate hot amazing alien pleasure, you really can't blame Fox Mulder for being obsessed now can you?

13. Taken by Alien Cavemen

Via amazon.com

When you want to be taken away by aliens, you don't want anything less than Alien Cavemen.

"The big, primitive alien locals soon find her trespassing through their jungles and they don't take kindly to strangers. Fortunately, they seem to have a taste for human females and they fully intend on exploring and tasting every inch of her body until morning."

Fortunately I am on planet earth, where these aliens that have a penchant for human females are not among us. ....Or are they?

12. Punished By The Dark Unicorn

Via amazon.com

"After a major breakup with his ex-boyfriend, Adam takes a spur of the moment trip to Finland!"

OMGZ FINLAND NO WAYZ!!!!!!! THEN WHAT HAPPENED?!?!

"On his surprise Nordic vacation, Adam goes kayaking through the labyrinth of lakes and discovers a beast he never knew existed!"

OMG OMG OMG OMG WHAT WAS IT? WHAT KIND OF BEAST OMG!!!!

"A Dark Unicorn!"

OMG. AND?!

"Something about this creature brings out his wildest and darkest fantasies which he wants to make a reality!"

OMG! Wildest and darkest fantasies?!!? YOU SOLD ME ON THIS BOOK WITH ALL YOUR EXCLAMATION POINTS!

No. But seriously, does anyone else get the urge to just have this book what with all the elementary school'd punctuation? No? I didn't think so.

11. Bukkake And The Beast

Via amazon.com

Erotic Fairy Tales! Now there's a niche! So so many to choose from! Many Sex Fairy Tales. Such results. Wow!

"An erotic retelling of Beauty and the Beast: ‘Bukkake and the Beast, Book 1’ is the beginning of a series so depraved and sexually dark that it will unlock your ultimate shameless fantasies..."

Did anyone else read that in a Law and Order voice? Viewer discretion is advised.

"Once upon a darkened time…

Gwyn is a young woman that is used to living in the village of Sireen, a place that is constantly night-locked by the wild and strange creatures of the forest surrounding it. As soon as the sun sets, the world belongs to the creatures...

But there is one such monster, The Beast, so powerful and insatiable that it invokes fear in everything: human and animal alike.

The night the Beast comes, the raven haired and curvy Gwyn never expected to suddenly fall prey to The Beast... and all his ultimate, sexual desires. She is The Beast’s newest voluptuous victim, and where their night ends off is only the dark beginning for Gwyn…"

*adds to wish list* Wait, what?

10. Alice's Sexual Discovery in a Wonderful Land

Via amazon.com

Alice In Wonderland is in obvious need of an erotic take, and Liz Adams has the tale just for you!

"A fall deep down a well takes her to an erotic Wonderland fairy tale where she can do her due diligence at learning how to please a man and how to achieve orgasm. She shares her sexual discoveries with a young man named "Rabbit" who likes to explore, a group of strong villagers, a "Caterpillar" who has more hands than Alice can handle, a Mad Hatter who finds Alice's exquisite weakness, and a whole host of talented characters. All lead to the Queen and her majesty's dark secret. Will Alice's sexual discovery be just the thing to snag her desired man Jack?

And will her erotic fairy tale help her discover the key to her own pleasure?"

That actually sounds... *adds to wishlist*

Wait, what?

9. Jake and the Giant and the Beanstalk: Erotic Fairy Tales

Via amazon.com

Is the Beanstalk really the Giant's ginormous... never mind.

"What is a Giant to do when he's cursed to live in a beanstalk and his mate is down on Earth? After hundreds of years, Titus the Giant is ready to break the curse that landed him between Heaven and Earth. But first he needs Jake in every way possible."

No words except for... there's a wolf on the cover! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

8. Cum to me Wolfman

Via amazon.com

Peter De Sade is one of the erotica authors, I've noticed, that... has a horrible way with words. Literally. Some of the things I've read in his book descriptions are gut-busting hilarious only because they are worded so wrong.

Even the Book Title is at odds with the actual COVER!

Title: Cum to me Wolfman

Cover read as: Come to the Woofman

???!?!!!!!.

"When Vivian and Whitney run out of gas on their way to Vivian step uncle cabin, Vivian decides to take the short cut through the forest. Thus starts the sexy adventure of the two lesbian when they encounter a shaggy hair freak that looks like a werewolf and has a two foot long *****. From the moment they encounter Wolfman, it is hot nasty sex Peter de Sade style."

Thus starts the sexy adventure of the two lesbian, huh? Shaggy hair freak, huh?

I'm pretty sure Peter De Sade is either an over imaginative 8th grader or an alien from 'Alien Pleasure Ship' who adopted Earth as their home and is still trying to learn our language.

Still, this is a must read for the hilarity factor alone.

7. The Horny Minotaur

Via amazon.com

Horny Minotaurs? SIGN ME UP! I've had a strange crush on this particular fantasy breed ever since that one minotaur monster from Power Rangers.

Apart from the cover that looks straight out of a poor man's World of Warcraft game... this might have potential!

Sara was abducted and taken to an alternate dimension to be breed to an Other Worlder. When she gets to the breeding barn she is paired with a Minotaur who wants nothing to do with her.

Warrick has been a prisoner of the "Breeders" for a year now. He has refused to breed to any female; not wanting the breeders to have his offspring. That is until Sara walks into his cage. Sara proves to be a bigger temptation than Warrick was prepared for.

Yep. This is definitely something you have to read. You need thus Horny Minotaur in your life.

6. Seducing Genghis Khan

Via amazon.com

Who hasn't idolized a war lord? Who hasn't dreamed of genocidal maniacs?

Jenni Fauste is skilled in the art of Astral Projection. With this power she is able to project herself out of her own body to travel the Other Realms, and even go back in time... like to the 13th century Mongolian Empire to spy on the Warlord Genghis Khan... For science! Literally for science, as she's only doing it for her half-sister's History report.

But something goes wrong with her astral projection. She isn't just witnessing, she is actually experiencing first hand what the Mongolian Warlord was really like... and Jenni cannot resist seducing this Khan...

5. I Did Nicolas Cage's Clone

Via amazon.com

Then you have the clone erotica...

One particular case has the President of ViaClone desperate. The clone in question is Nicolas Cage's, and the torch is passed to Maddie on whether or not she can tame the beast they've dubbed as Nicolas Rage -- a clone whom no other girl could tame. If she prevails, the big promotion is hers, and sexing will no longer be in her future at ViaClone.

Can Maddie tame Nicolas Cage’s clone? Or will she be drawn into the depth of the sexy actor's carbon copy… Will she lose herself in eyes so blue they could rival the deepest sea waters? What about those luscious Con Air-inspired locks… Or will Maddie keep it strictly professional?

Good news is this comes in paperback, so when you need something to read on the bus whip this baby out!

4. Clone Whores

Via amazon.com

Not just clones, they're also whores!

After waking for the first time, Adam the clone has little knowledge of the world, or even of his own body. A surprising experience in the shower awakens his sexual appetite, driving him to wake one of the other clones - so that they can explore their body together!

Who DOESN'T get sexually awakened while in the shower? Saffron Smith, it's like you're writing about ME!

3. Assassins Seed

Via amazon.com

Then you have gamer erotica. Geeks and nerds, take hope, there is erotica specifically for YOU!

Jessa Moore attends the geeky billionaire Nolan Greer's party... glamorous right? How about no. It turns out to be a pretty damn boring affair for her. That is, until Nolan introduces her to a private floor of his mansion filled with what he and his company are all about: video games, geeky toys, and the gamer holy grail - the ultimate virtual reality. He shows Jessa the Deux Nirvana, a virtual reality simulator that promises the ultimate rich and 100% immersive video game experience in a virtual world where anything can happen.

Jessa is immediately thrust into an alternate reality of busty wenches, drunkards, dangerous men, and a mysterious assassin.

Billionaires? Check. Busy wenches? Check.

Virtual Reality? Check. Drunkards? Check.

Mysterious Assassins? Hella check.

2. Game of Enemas: A Story of Bondage and Enemas (Fantasy Sex Wizard Erotica Book 1)

Via amazon.com

A Story of Bondage (oooh?) and Enemas... (WAIT WHAT OH GOD WHAT?!?!)

Fantasy Sex Wizard Erotica... huh.

"This book is indescribable. Simply put. It involves princesses and submissive behaviour, enemas and bondage, humiliation and shame and truly demented sex."

Kudos to the author, James Smith, for not even attempting to write a real description of their book! HOLD ON. GET THIS. They even thrust upon you, dear reader, the ultimate task...

"Find me a more insane book and I'll give you your money ba... no. Find me a more insane book and I will write a sequel to this one and beat it."

No James Smith. Just no. How about you just write a damn description to your book without declaring to one-up someone else! I think I've found Jaden Smith's alter ego.

1. A Feast for Crows: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Four

Via amazon.com

So for research purposes...

I typed: "Worst Erotica" into Amazon's search engine, and on the front page was this book.

This book.

Happy reading!