10 Things You Don't Say To Someone With Cancer

Please don’t. How about telling us who didn’t die of cancer?

No. We are supposed to be cancer free now.

If you look up “remission,” it means that it’s still in your body; it’s just not showing itself. I recently asked a friend who also had cancer, “When do you stop worrying that it will come back?” Her answer: “I’ll let you know.” She had cancer over ten years ago.

I didn’t go through 28 chemo therapies to be reminded of the odds. Instead, try asking: “How long have you been cancer free?” (Uplifting, encouraging, validating.)

This isn't really a don't-say-this-to-a-cancer-patient one, but it's very important. You won't catch our cancer, so please don’t avoid us or try to keep your distance. We still need hugs and love.

Sigh. Don't you think we're already asking ourselves this question? We don't need you asking too.

You'd be surprised at how often I heard this. Please don’t do this to anyone.

Although we all hope for this, we just don’t know. Not only does it sort of discount the weight of the situation, but it also seems like a conversational cop out.

Yeah, probably. Anything else?

Thank you?

The question is unnecessary. It runs in lots of families, but what's the point of asking? Does that somehow make it better? Or okay?

This might not seem like a big deal, but asking what stage we are/were is a very personal question. It’s almost like asking, “Did you make it to the doctor soon enough?” And what if we didn’t? Again, what difference does it make to know?

Will you treat us differently depending on what stage? And what facial expression are you going to show us if it’s a later stage? Or earlier stage? Will it be horror or relief? Either way, it sucks.