1. You're sick of your regular gym routine. You're getting nowhere.
Literally. Running 6 miles on the treadmill = staying in the same spot for an hour.
2. Your crazy friend suggests you try CrossFit.
UGH. She has been trying to talk you into it for months, but you stop listening every time she starts using those weird made-up words. (WOD? Wad of what?)
3. Eventually said friend becomes insufferable, and you go to a free intro class. To shut her up.
4. You walk in and you're like, "WHOA WAIT WTF NO."
Are they having spasms?
5. But then you look around and you're like, "Hmm... I guess I ~might as well~ stay...
... you know, since I'm already here...
...and everybody is so... friendly...
6. You get your butt kicked and it sucks and you're sort of mad about it.
7. You find yourself weirdly motivated by the humiliation. You sign up.
8. After a couple weeks of foundations/elements, you're feeling pretty smug. You even learned the lingo!
9. Your first real WOD brings you back to reality.
10. You keep going, though, because everyone is super nice and helpful (and also badass).
11. Your hands rip from doing pull-ups. It sucks, but you start to feel like one of them.
(But, you know, not "one of them" in an ANNOYING way. You'll never be ONE OF THEM.)
12. Months later, you do your first Rx'ed WOD. You feel pretty good about it.
13. And, even though you said you'd NEVER do this, you tweet about it.
Because, YES! #PR #RX #STRONG HASHTAG CROSSFIT ALL THE CROSSFIT ALL THE #HASHTAGS yes #FITNESS #WOD #KILLINIT
14. So now you're officially drinking the kool aid, and there's no going back.
15. In an attempt to PR your back squat, you try going paleo.
16. Two weeks later you realize that, uh, paleo is HARD. You settle for paleo-ish.
Hey, at least they're #GlutenFree
17. You have a bad WOD one morning, and you can't think about anything else all day at work.
18. You often leave parties early because, you know, you need to get to that 6am WOD.
19. The stupid CrossFit t-shirts you used to hate are suddenly very funny.
Your friends roll their eyes but it's only because they don't understand. #JerksAndSnatches
20. At first, you record all of your PRs and benchmark WOD times in a notebook.
21. But soon you switch to a WOD-tracking app. Because a notebook can't ANALYZYE YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES.
22. One of your friends drags you to a boutique bootcamp class she thinks you'll like, but it sort of just annoys you.
23. You feel compelled to buy special CrossFit shoes. Preferably neon.
Only a fool lifts in running shoes. #nanos
24. Then you're like, "Hey, while I'm at it I should definitely buy my own $50 jump rope."
(You end up buying it in neon, obvs.)
25. "Also, I definitely 100% need wrist wraps...
...in neon because YES TO ALL THE NEON."
26. And grips. And a foam roller.
27. And a weight belt. Yes, they're available in neon.
But you do not care because you NEED. IT. ALL. It is all necessary.
28. You go on vacation, and you WOD alone because the thought of not WODing for a week is too much.
You are OFFICIALLY. THAT. PERSON.
29. You fly home from vacation a day earlier than everyone else. You know, for The Open.
30. The Open humbles you. How is it possible for these humans to be THAT good at CrossFit?
31. You also realize that the only thing more fun than doing CrossFit is watching other REALLY STRONG people do CrossFit.
32. Your friends intervene and tell you that you're not allowed to talk about CrossFit at happy hour anymore.
Your non-CrossFit friends, that is. When you go out with people from your box, the unspoken rule is that you're not allowed to talk about anything BUT CrossFit. #fitfam