What were you doing Saturday, December 5th, 2015? Hmmmmmmm?
Well, I'm here today to tell you that your Saturday was COMPLETE GARBAGE because you COULD'VE spent it at Jesse Metcalfe's OWN yard sale.
YES — you could've been at JESSE FUCKING METCALFE'S YARD WATCHING HIM SELL THINGS, but instead you were busy BEING TRASH.
And guess what you could've gotten out of your December 5th at the yard sale? AN OLD JESSE METCALFE END TABLE...
...AND POSSIBLY HIS OLD BROWN SHEETS.
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU COULD'VE BOUGHT OLD BROWN SHEETS THAT JOHN FUCKING TUCKER ROLLED HIS SEXY BODY AROUND IN FOR 99 CENTS***..................... BUT YOU DIDN'T.
This lady DID.
And this man DID.
BUT YOU DIDN'T.
GOD DAMMIT, WHY DIDN'T I BUY METCALFE'S OLD BROWN SHEETS?!?!?!?!??!!!!!
Yard sale over. Why must all good things come to an end?
