Chrissy: LIKE👏WE👏NEED👏MORE👏REASONS👏TO👏LOVE👏FALL!

Kristin: WHO'S AN ADORABLE SEASONAL SUGAR BOMB?! YOU AREE! IT'S YOUUUUU! I'm gonna misspell my name right on your butt.

Kristin: This dog already knows I'm gonna call him OCTO-PUPPY all night, so he pre-emptively pooped in my shoe.

Chrissy: That is the cutest octopus puke I've ever seen.

Kristin: This dog doesn't realize it, but the more upset he looks in this costume, the more I realize how much I need it.

Chrissy: Dora the Explorer? Looks more like Dora Is Regretting Wearing This Tiny-Ass Backpack Because She Didn't Pack Enough Snacks To Sustain Her For An Entire Night Alone In The Woods Now That She's Lost Without Wi-Fi.

Kristin: One set of human boobs for my dog, please!

Chrissy: If a poof is on a dog is it called a "woof"?

Chrissy: *whispers* This dog got tricked into dressing up as a table for Halloween.

Kristin: OMG WHO IS A SILLY BOY wearing coffee as a hat, he is so great, let's nominate him for an Oscar.

Chrissy: If this was at the gym, I might actually start going.

Kristin: I just made this dog head of my security detail.

Chrissy: *puts on silk robe, waits by door all day for package delivery*

Kristin: The MAIL CARRIER HUNTER HAS BECOME THE MAIL CARRIER HUNTED also tiny hat.

Chrissy: How embarrassing! I'd never wear the same pants as my boyfriend in public.

Kristin: This costume is in loving memory of all the couples who have broken up immediately after trying to move a large piece of furniture together.

Chrissy: If we're going to torture dogs this much, at least finish the look with a bold red lip.

Kristin: Please don't talk about my prom date like that.

Chrissy: Is no one worried about the proportions of this cow? Half of his body is a butt.

Kristin: I don't know why this cow inexplicably has two heads but what a beautiful and majestic creature, please immediately put him on a stamp or make him attorney general, whatever.

Chrissy: Guys, guys, guys, you gotta update your costume references. It's been, like, 68 million years.

Kristin: Welcome...to JURASSIC BARK. ::sings theme song while weeping::

Kristin: ATTENTION, PARTY PEOPLE: HE IS NOT FULL OF CANDY, ONLY LOVE, WHICH CAN ONLY BE ACCESSED THROUGH PLENTIFUL RUBS AND SCRITCHEM-SCRATCHEMS please do not hit him with any bats thank you.

Chrissy: "I'm fun at parties."

Chrissy: The lesson here: Cargo shorts are so bad that even a dog won't be photographed in 'em.

Kristin: Ah, cargo shorts with a hole cut in the back for poop to come out, just as God intended.

Chrissy: God, Willy, we know that you're free now. WE GET IT.

Kristin: OH NO he looks scared of his own costume IT'S OK, PUPPY, YOU ARE THE KILLER WHALE NOW and my own heart will be your steady diet of fish.

Chrissy: When they didn't have a dinosaur costume in your size.

Kristin: This dog has extincted me, I am extinct.

Kristin: I've never been so jealous of a little felt man in my entire life.

Chrissy: Please don't tell me there have been corgi rodeos happening without me.